Birthfathers…are you out there?

by Lori Lavender Luz on June 16, 2007

in Birth parent,Open Adoption

On this Fathers’ Day weekend, I’m thinking about two gentlemen in particular.

Our children have full access to their birthmothers. We feel it’s what is best for them. And besides, we like Crystal and Michele. A LOT.

The reasons we welcome Crystal and Michele in our lives:

  • to alleviate the rumored Primal Wound of adoption
  • to have access to medical information
  • so that our children will never have to wonder
  • so that our children will never have to search
  • so that our children will never have to begin a relationship with someone who is both a stranger and yet intimately necessary to their lives.

All these reasons also stand for birthfathers, yet we have no contact with either.

Tessa’s birthfather is, according to Crystal, a wild card. He can be incredibly sweet and sensitive, or extremely manipulative and angry. Through the agency, we have invited him to introduce himself to us through letters, which could progress to telephone calls and maybe even visits, as his personality and intentions become clear. We have yet to get a response.

Reed’s birthfather is just absent. Michele let us know about two years ago that he wanted our email address, and we wait to hear from him. He has moved out of state and may not know how to begin a relationship with us.

Even though the idea of a birthfather is much more abstract than a birthmother, our children have begun to ask about the two male names we include in our nightly prayers. I ask that we soon have either faces to go with the names, or the guidance to answer the questions.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Pamela September 28, 2009 at 9:28 pm

I can’t help but wonder if I could be so selfless. I admire your strength and ability to be inclusive. Your children are fortunate to have such a generous mother and father raising them.

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