What I have craved

by Lori Lavender Luz on August 10, 2007

in Excavating,Mindfulness

1994
What I have

  • A condo of my own, furnished with my own stuff.
  • A fascinating job as head of an adult learning network.
  • Good grades in grad school.
  • A lot of time to myself to read, write, think. Too much, maybe.

What I crave
The man I am to share my life with, if he even exists. Every morning I wake up wondering if this is the day I’ll meet him. It’s an obsession.

1999
What I have

  • A handsome, funny, smart, hardworking man.
  • Our first home together, a 1891 old Victorian that is filled with mementos of our adventures living and traveling overseas.
  • A politically charged job as an administrator at a state university.
  • Time with my husband to see movies, attend concerts, and travel.

What I crave
A child or two. Everyday I get more depressed about my fading chances to be a mom. It’s an obsession.

2007
What I have

  • A handsome, funny, smart, hardworking man, who is also a fabulous Daddy.
  • A sassy 6 year old daughter.
  • A sweet 4 year old son.
  • A mostly happy home where we’ve only recently been able to bring out our breakables again, and which is usually very cluttered with library books, swim suits, Bionicles, tiaras and kiddie lipstick.
  • A patchwork of work-at-home jobs.

What I crave
Time to myself to read, write, think. It’s an obsession.

You can see where this could go as the children grow and become independent. Should I be lucky enough to have continued health and safety for my family, I will once again have then what I want now, and vice versa.

Be. Here. Now. Lori.
###
Please visit today’s Drama 2B Mama post, Adoption School.
If you liked this post, why not subscribe or follow me on Google+ or Twitter?

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

KarenO September 28, 2009 at 9:30 pm

I haven’t been visiting any blogs this week, so I missed you going away! Hope it was great fun :) Strange how the wheels of life are turning huh? It seems they turn full circle, but when you get to the “top” thins are SO different than last time you experienced the same kind of things…

Reply

Kathy February 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Here from the future via Time Warp Tuesday…

I LOVE this post Lori! I can really relate to what you had and that which you craved at various stages of your life.

I also appreciate the message you wrapped up with: Be. Here. Now.

I can never be reminded of that enough.

Before I met Bob in 1996 I also craved meeting a man that I would want to share my life and future with.

In 2004 happily married with an adorable 1 year old son, I experienced my first miscarriage and craved having another child/a sibling for Sean.

Now in 2012, I continue to love my life married to Bob, with an 8 year old son, a 2 year old daughter and our angel watching over us since she was born and died 4 years ago this April. Now as you wrote in this post, I too crave time for myself to read, write and process my life. Oh the irony!

I am grateful to have you in my life as a role model for practicing mindfulness. Like yoga, it truly is a practice. Some days I do better than others, but I am trying to really appreciate the blessings in my life, especially those I craved for so long and now finally am able to enjoy.

Thank you so much for doing the Time Warp again with us this week! This post was just what I needed to read today. So though it may not have received as many comments as you would have liked the first time around, I hope this second go around gives you the validation and feedback that you deserve. xoxo

Reply

jjiraffe February 7, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Oh, Lori. I so needed to read this post today. What a wonderful illustration of what we have, and don’t have, at different stages of our lives.

“Be. Here. Now.”

Truly, words to live by. And I know you do :)

Reply

Baby Smiling In Back Seat February 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm

You may have had too much time to read, write, and think in 1994, but you didn’t yet have certain compelling topics to read, write, and think about!

One of my all-time favorite song lyrics, by They Might Be Giants:
Now it’s over I’m dead and I haven’t done anything that I want,
or I’m still alive and there’s nothing I want to do.

Reply

Deborah February 8, 2012 at 8:16 am

It’s funny how all the things you want seem so real and pressing to you at the time, but when you look back you wonder why you didn’t appreciate what you have. But the way you listed it out really shows that both can be true at once: you can be very happy with what you have, AND want something else. These are not mutually exclusive. Hopefully writing this out got you focused on the happy part and not the wanting part (and revisiting it for TWT did the same).

Reply

Lori February 8, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Loved reading every word of this post, Lori, especially how you ended. Having one in his first year of college makes me reminisce, and always look forward to him coming home, but the next chapter has begun. I am so proud of the man he has become and appreciate every day with him, even though now at a distance. Thankful that it’s a very close distance!

Reply

Leave a Comment

*
To prove you're a person (not a spam script), type the security word shown in the picture. Click on the picture to hear an audio file of the word.
Anti-spam image


Previous post:

Next post:

google8157a5f320239b9e.html