There is a lot of waiting and anxiety in our community right now. Today I have what I hope is a calming passage, a way to rise above the daily disquiet and see that there IS a big picture that is being composed moment by moment.
From Chapter One – A Mystical Path to Motherhood
Enter a little puff of smoke.
As the sun finally set on the summer solstice that year, we stood before the snapping pine in the fire pit, about to enter the sweat lodge again — only this time with no demands for a solution. An energetic healer had told us to make the list, burn it and have faith. On that paper was written our wishes for a child:
1) a spiritually advanced soul
2) a soul with something to teach us
3) a soul we have something to teach
4) a soul with enough flexibility to enjoy and benefit from our lifestyle
and one last wish for all three of us:
5) the financial needs for this family to be met
Letting go of the physical need to have biological children sent a swift pulse of liberation through my body so suddenly that my eyes twitched. Watching those wishes go up in smoke, everything at last made perfect sense. I’d always felt destined for a more mystical path to motherhood.
George looked at me and whispered, “Did you feel that?” I had: a slight pulling sensation from the smoke floating away.
“You know,” I whispered back, “I’ve been thinking about adoption my entire life.” George closed his eyes and inhaled a deeper breath than he’d taken in months. His sigh captured the unspoken truth that stood between us — his desperate guilt and my hidden disappointment — and released it into the fire. We were moving on.
Every test to gain permission from local, state and federal authorities to adopt a child was as anxiety-ridden as a prenatal exam. Yet there was no due date to plan the rest of our lives around. We were strapped to an emotional roller coaster: filling out forms; waiting; more forms; more waiting; being judged on paper as to whether we were fit to parent. The waiting required absolute submission to the divine, for adoption is a manifestation of the soul, a birth of the heart. You consciously will a child into your life, and there is magic in it.
Mysteriously, that little puff of smoke found its way from the Wind River Mountains of Wyoming all the way to Phnom Penh, Cambodia.
— Kari Grady Grossman, Bones That Float
Since I’ve excerpted the excerpt, you can read more here.
Sending you wisps of peace. You know who you are.
Tomorrow’s the last day for limerick entries. Voting begins soon so get rhyming!