Here yesterday, gone today

September 4, 2008

in Death & dying, Suicide

I went to bed last night with one reality and woke up this morning with another. I’m not exactly sure at what moment it changed. Was I sleeping soundly? Was it one of the times I was awake, looking at the clock for an unknown reason? I have this need to know the moment, even though really, it doesn’t matter.

How does one tell young tweens, who are still figuring out their own ways of solving problems, not ever to use the problem-solving method their role model chose? It’s easy to tell them, I suppose, but so hard to make words speak louder than such a decisive deed.

I understand sadness and despair. I do NOT understand myopic self-centeredness that cannot take into account one’s influence and impact on others.

I am feeling such a swirl. Anger, anger, anger, sadness, disbelief, compassion, shock, more anger.

Those stupid stages of grieving.

I’ve got to get myself together so I can be of service to others more directly affected.

(Many hugs to my Internet friends. Your emails, calls and Tweets have meant so much today.)

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

PerfectMomentProject April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Not sure if a Perfect Moment can help.. but here’s a moment from today that made me breathe easier. < HREF="http://perfectmomentproject.blogspot.com/2008/09/first-semester-first-year-pretty-scary.html" REL="nofollow">PMProject<>

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luna April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

lori I am sending lots of positive energy and light and strength your way. hope everything is ok. feel free to email or call if you want to chat.

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PerfectMomentProject April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Not sure if a Perfect Moment can help.. but here’s a moment from today that made me breathe easier. < HREF="http://perfectmomentproject.blogspot.com/2008/09/first-semester-first-year-pretty-scary.html" REL="nofollow">PMProject<>

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Meghan April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

thinking of you…

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PerfectMomentProject April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

so sorry.. whatever it is … sue and I send good vibes your way… shout if we can do more.

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The Casual Perfectionist April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Oh my gosh, Lori. I hope you’re okay. Positive thoughts your way…

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loribeth April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Not sure what is going on in your life, but I’m sending you some (((hugs))) ’cause it sounds like you might need them…

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annacyclopedia April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Much peace and light to you, Lori, as you sit with your feelings and wait for the way forward to appear. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

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Wordgirl April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Oh Lori,I saw your tweet — but didn’t want to intrude — but I kept checking on your blog — wishing you peace and the knowledge that you’re surrounded by people whose lives have been made better by your presence.XOPam

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Melissa April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Oh Lori, it sounds like your world got rocked and I am so sorry. I’ll keep you in my prayers for peace and strength.Hugs from up yonder!!!

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LJ April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

I know I tweeted, twittered, I could use another word with tw and t in there but that just sounded…um wrong. However, just wanted to let you know how loved you are, for whatever it is that you are dealing with.

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My name is Andy. April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Hey there my friend. I’m very sorry you are at a difficult juncture of life, whatever that may be.We are here for you.{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

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nancy April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Honey, I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s because it’s 1:35am or maybe it’s because you didn’t really say what’s up. But whatever it is, I’m thinking of you, okay?

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Furrow April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Geez, Lori. Sounds like it was something major. Sorry you’re going through this, and my thoughts and positive energy are definitely directed at you.

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Lollipop Goldstein April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Isn’t it so strange to think about that divide–between the before and after? And not being cognizant of the exact moment of change?My heart is with you today.

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IdleMindOfBeth April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Holding good thoughts and sending prayers for peace & strength.Much love to you my dear. We’re here for you, always.

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chicklet April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Like we emailed, you know I’m here if you need anything at all. This situation just plain sucks for everyone involved.

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MrsSpock April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Whatever it is, I am thinking of you…

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Denise April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

Not sure what’s going on, but I hope you’re doing okay and will be doing better soon!

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m April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

dear lori, sitting with you today…

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Phoebe April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

I’m so sorry for your despair. We often don’t realize how connected we are until something like this happens. When you can, let your grief wash over you. Hugs to you and to the others.

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Catherine April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

It’s 3:47 am.I should be sound asleep. But I’m wide awake and was brought to your blog by… something. Right now in this moment, I’m sending you lots of peace and light, Lori, and I hope you are getting some sleep. I think I’ll go try getting some, too.Take care!

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Geohde April 7, 2010 at 12:27 am

I’m sorry Lori,I’m not sure what exactly has transpired but I hope you and yours come through it okay,much love,J

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