When in the middle of a Poop Horror Story, our hypothetical heroine was faced with these 10 options pointed out by you, my
chicken-sh*t problem-solving readers:
- Flee and hope the next poor sap patron gets blamed.
- Deny. Pretend like nothing happened and allow the next poor sap patron to deal with it.
- Pretend to BE the next poor sap patron.
- Feign ignorance about the source of the problem while pointing out the problem.
- Grab some towels to clean up. Then do the laundry. Act as if you’re just being extra-helpful this cheery morning.
- Fix the toilet (butt crack exposure optional) before the overflow starts. (Yeah, right, Casual McGyver and BattyGadget.)
- Hyperventilate about the disgusting-ness. (“Check!” says our mythical heroine.)
- Get a nametag that reads The Bathroom Flooder to honor your now-permanent nickname (which will likely replace “Truncation-of-your-name!” from here on out when you walk in the joint.)
- You would never get yourself into this pickle in the first place because you have a sphincter-of-steel.
- Acknowledge your humanness, indeed everyone’s humanness (Kumbaya, anyone?) and march out of there like Carrie Bradshaw the time she fell on the catwalk during the fashion show. Ask for a plunger while holding your head high (and your pants-legs up).
As for our hypothetical heroine? She may (or may not) have attempted to pull off the Carrie Bradshaw scene.
She also may (or may not) be doing more and more Kegel exercises these days.