Manicures & Martinis & MDs

One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things just doesn’t belong
Can you guess which thing is not like the others…?

The Sesame Street song was in my head as the nail tech pushed back my cuticles at the American Fertility Association‘s Manicures & Martinis event last week in Denver.

I was in a room full of beautiful 20-somethings. Tanned legs, cute sun dresses, fresh skin. These young women had not been marred by the trials of infertility, nor were they even aware of the dreaded torso creep* that will begin to happen to them in a dozen or so years (yes, this is what I noticed about them — very long torsos).

We were all guests of the AFA to begin thinking about our fertility and to listen to three doctors from Conceptions Reproductive Associates of Colorado.

I ONCE had tanned legs. I ONCE wore cute sundresses that didn’t have spaghetti sauce in some not-so-hidden crease. I ONCE had fresh skin. I NOW am fighting back torso creep.

I never, in my 20s, worried about my fertility. Back then, women my age were trying hard NOT to get pregnant. And, we were told, “people have babies well into their 40s — you have plenty of time.”

So when I didn’t meet my husband until I was 31, I was not concerned. When we married at 32, I was not concerned. When, after a year of not exactly trying to become pregnant but not really trying not to, I began to grow concerned.

I could have used a night like this back then. Or even before then.

After welcoming remarks by AFA Executive Director Ken Mosesian, Drs. Swanson, Bush and Albrecht told about substances and activities that can decrease fertility in both men and women. They shared results of studies on everything from egg health to treatment success rates to timing of intercourse. They entertained questions about an alphabet-soup of issues: PCOS, POF, MFI, OHSS, IVF, IUI, HSG and the rest of the infertility lexicon.

(I am now reading The Land of IF: Understanding Infertility and Exploring your Options, so I was able to follow the technical parts quite well.)

The good doctors were informative and charming, and I could see trusting them with my fertility hopes, if I had been like the others instead of being a tired mom having a rare night out with an organization I’m now blogging for.

How did my story turn out? Well, Roger and I never did get the better of our fertility. Our one shot at IVF was a failure, and we faced it alone and isolated in the days before online support groups, blogs, forums and the AFA.

But, as many of you know, we did become parents, nonetheless. In 2001, we were at our daughter’s birth, and remain in contact with her first parents in a fully open adoption. Two years later, her brother joined us as an infant, and our family was complete.

Even though I was not like the others — wanting to know the ways to preserve my fertility — I did somehow manage to enjoy my manicure and martini.

Some things are universal.

* Torso creep is what I call the slow migration from the top of my bottom and the bottom of my top as they move toward each other, millimeter by millimeter over time.

***
(Originally appeared on the American Fertility Association website. Check it out for a plethora of resources.)

 

0 thoughts on “Manicures & Martinis & MDs”

  1. fertilitini? lo I’m not sure I worried about fertility back then either. We struggle with conceiving our first… hey, is that the Fingers and Toes on Col. Blvd?

  2. I work in an office full of mostly single 20-somethings who wear stiletto heels, miniskirts & plunging necklines. I hear ya. I just keep thinking, “Someday you too will be pushing 50, my dears…” (cue evil laughter)

  3. Regardless of fertility goals, “stop smoking” is good advice for anyone.

    But they seriously need to upgrade the cups they’re using for Fertilitinis. Those cups are pathetic, plus they tip over easily. Oops, my sundress and tanned thin legs are covered in sticky organic goo!

  4. fertilitini? lo I’m not sure I worried about fertility back then either. We struggle with conceiving our first… hey, is that the Fingers and Toes on Col. Blvd?

  5. I work in an office full of mostly single 20-somethings who wear stiletto heels, miniskirts & plunging necklines. I hear ya. I just keep thinking, “Someday you too will be pushing 50, my dears…” (cue evil laughter)

  6. Regardless of fertility goals, “stop smoking” is good advice for anyone.

    But they seriously need to upgrade the cups they’re using for Fertilitinis. Those cups are pathetic, plus they tip over easily. Oops, my sundress and tanned thin legs are covered in sticky organic goo!

  7. I’m so glad you posted about this event. Its such a great way to pass on important information to the right audience. Who doesn’t need a mani?

    Unfortunately, one of my friends really needs this info, but we missed the Chicago date (and it was less than a mile from my house, sponsored by my old yoga studio!) Am hoping this is a new idea that will catch on quickly and come back to Chi soon.

    Thanks for all the great info you provide!

  8. Sometimes when I’m feeling particular churlish about the “age factor”, I look at my husband and feel pissed. He made me wait 5 years to get married. I guess he thought we had plenty of time, too.

  9. I realky enjoyed that post – even though I have not had the same struggles I have had plenty of my own and I gotta tell you a Manicure and a Martini sounds like a good helper to any life struggle!

  10. Hi everyone – I’m Corey with The AFA – The Manicures & Martinis Infertility Prevention series is traveling the country – keep posted for more events at http://www.theafa.org. Next month we will be in San Francisco and Laguna Niguel. You are all invited as my guests if we bring it to your town. Have a wonderful holiday weekend all!
    xo
    Corey

  11. Lori – your torso is the longest I have ever seen!

    (Only a yoga girl would pay so much attention to others torsos. I’ve never considered there length!)

    Good on you for fighting the good fight.

  12. I’m so glad you posted about this event. Its such a great way to pass on important information to the right audience. Who doesn’t need a mani?

    Unfortunately, one of my friends really needs this info, but we missed the Chicago date (and it was less than a mile from my house, sponsored by my old yoga studio!) Am hoping this is a new idea that will catch on quickly and come back to Chi soon.

    Thanks for all the great info you provide!

  13. Sometimes when I’m feeling particular churlish about the “age factor”, I look at my husband and feel pissed. He made me wait 5 years to get married. I guess he thought we had plenty of time, too.

  14. I realky enjoyed that post – even though I have not had the same struggles I have had plenty of my own and I gotta tell you a Manicure and a Martini sounds like a good helper to any life struggle!

  15. Hi everyone – I’m Corey with The AFA – The Manicures & Martinis Infertility Prevention series is traveling the country – keep posted for more events at http://www.theafa.org. Next month we will be in San Francisco and Laguna Niguel. You are all invited as my guests if we bring it to your town. Have a wonderful holiday weekend all!
    xo
    Corey

  16. Lori – your torso is the longest I have ever seen!

    (Only a yoga girl would pay so much attention to others torsos. I’ve never considered there length!)

    Good on you for fighting the good fight.

  17. If I tried to have a kid at 20 when I got married the first time around, I’d be dealing with substance abuse, counseling and a much more bitter divorce than the one I had. If it means that I don’t ever have kids, that’s fine with me as long as I never had them with HIM. I started actually trying when I was 30. Most people I know have 2 or 3 by then. 30 should still be fertile. Bitter? Yes, probably, but at least I’m in the infertile support group and not dead.

  18. If I tried to have a kid at 20 when I got married the first time around, I’d be dealing with substance abuse, counseling and a much more bitter divorce than the one I had. If it means that I don’t ever have kids, that’s fine with me as long as I never had them with HIM. I started actually trying when I was 30. Most people I know have 2 or 3 by then. 30 should still be fertile. Bitter? Yes, probably, but at least I’m in the infertile support group and not dead.

  19. Dr. Bush was my first RE. Run for your life with this one. Of his many insensitive comments, he said to me, “you should have children at 22, what were you doing then?!” I said, “I was in Africa”. I should have punctuated that with “a-hole”. Prick.

  20. Dr. Bush was my first RE. Run for your life with this one. Of his many insensitive comments, he said to me, “you should have children at 22, what were you doing then?!” I said, “I was in Africa”. I should have punctuated that with “a-hole”. Prick.

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