So Close: a Book Shower

Have you heard about all the books being born from the ALI community? We’re pretty darn fertile in the pages department.

Melissa has organized a book shower (which officially starts tomorrow) for Tertia’s new arrival, and everyone is invited to fete her. This post is my contribution to Tertia’s newest addition and triumph, and I throw out this question and answer, inviting you to comment on the same.

Q: The title for the book as well as the title of Tertia’s blog comes up on page 97 when she explains that she can’t give up because she’s So Close. One of the most difficult things about infertility can be figuring out which path out is best for you and how long to stay on it. No matter how many cycles you’ve done, no matter how many failures you’ve had, how do you know that the next one won’t be THE one? How do you know when to stick with the plan and when to try something else?

For Tertia, staying the course paid off — once with twins and now with a third baby, due soon. This is out of 13 assisted cycles.

Has Tertia’s experience been true for you? That you didn’t or will not give up because you were/are so close?

Or did you switch tracks, as I did, when you assessed that you really weren’t so close, and that you’d better cut your losses on one path and find another?

Please comment with your answer:

How do you know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em?

And one other shower question:

Have you ever considered turning your blog into a book?

Share your thoughts around that.

Please send Tertia your congratulations. Click over to her blog and/or buy her book!

Congratulations, Tertia. You do our community proud.

The book shower formally starts tomorrow over at Stirrup Queens. Check in there so see what the other guests bring to the table.

0 thoughts on “So Close: a Book Shower”

  1. I have not still not thought of converting my blog to a book….I have although toyed with publishing some of my poems in the form of a book…just ‘toyed’.

    Congratulations to everybody, whose book has come out!

  2. I think I’ve toyed with the idea of a book but it would be a book on a segment of my blog…probably the King Street Players sections.

  3. For me, being so close is what I hated – it’s what made me want to give up. I hated being so close and still not getting there. It was torture.

    And yea, um, book ideas, but where the hell would I find the time? I give these ladies total credit for their hard work!

  4. I think guaging the process has to fit the personalities of the people involved. The approach and attitude of the health care provider with be an influence but largely, how well do you and your significant other deal with uncertainty. (Think Meyers-Briggs) As my husband and I started down the infertility treatment path, we did research regarding the different treatments and drew a line ahead of time. That way we knew we made a choice with clarity. Once the process begins the emotions run so high that it was hard to feel confident in any choices let alone something as important as which treatment, how long, how much (time and muney).

  5. Great and thoughtful post.
    I need to give #1 some thought and get back to you, Lori.
    #2, No, and H-E-Double HOCKEY STICKS, NO!!!!
    (I had to edit my comment, premature publishing and all that.)

  6. I have not still not thought of converting my blog to a book….I have although toyed with publishing some of my poems in the form of a book…just ‘toyed’.

    Congratulations to everybody, whose book has come out!

  7. I think I’ve toyed with the idea of a book but it would be a book on a segment of my blog…probably the King Street Players sections.

  8. For me, being so close is what I hated – it’s what made me want to give up. I hated being so close and still not getting there. It was torture.

    And yea, um, book ideas, but where the hell would I find the time? I give these ladies total credit for their hard work!

  9. I think guaging the process has to fit the personalities of the people involved. The approach and attitude of the health care provider with be an influence but largely, how well do you and your significant other deal with uncertainty. (Think Meyers-Briggs) As my husband and I started down the infertility treatment path, we did research regarding the different treatments and drew a line ahead of time. That way we knew we made a choice with clarity. Once the process begins the emotions run so high that it was hard to feel confident in any choices let alone something as important as which treatment, how long, how much (time and muney).

  10. Great and thoughtful post.
    I need to give #1 some thought and get back to you, Lori.
    #2, No, and H-E-Double HOCKEY STICKS, NO!!!!
    (I had to edit my comment, premature publishing and all that.)

  11. Goodness – I never knew when to fold ‘em. Even though I never went through serious treatments, just when we would come close to crossing that bride, I would get pregnant only to lose it soon. I kept getting pregnant so I kept thinking, “I can DO this.”

    In life, I have been able to achieve anything I really wanted. I’ve studies, saved money, used sheer determination. It was so frustrating for conception to be completely out of my control. Well, frustrating probably isn’t the best word for what I was feeling but it is close.

    I don’t think my blog would be book worthy. My blog mostly centers around myself, and that is only interesting for so long! My favorite blogs, the blogs I feel are book worthy, are the ones that use what they have learned to help other people. They tell their own story but, in the end, it becomes so much more.

  12. I addressed this question in my own book shower post, but essentially, I realized I really wasn’t getting any closer, I was basically just spinning my wheels.

    Like DeDe, dh & I had agreed to a set number of IUI injectable cycles (three) when we started out. I reserved the right to change my mind. : ) But when we reached the end of those three cycles I realized I really couldn’t continue to do this anymore — I was a wreck, & the odds were not in our favour. We took a break over the summer (at the suggestion of a counsellor) & re-evaluated in the fall. Difficult as it was to stop, I knew it was the right decision for us. Your own mileage may vary. : )

    And no, I’ve never considered turning my blog into a book. I think PJ has done a much better job of covering the market anyway! : )

  13. Question 1: yes, I’m feeling like that every single day: closer, closer, closer…

    Question 2: WAY too much effort!!!! I admire anyone that does that greatly. (I wish I had the discipline to write a fantasy or detective novel, though…!!)

  14. So much creativity and excellent writing in this community!

    As for us, we haven’t given up and echo Tertia’s feelings of being “so close.”

    As for a book, I’ve always dreamed of writing one (being the daughter of a librarian and bookmobile lady) but haven’t yet put my pen to paper with enough discipline. Like chicklet said, many kudos to those who have the dedication to pull off a completed work!

  15. Goodness – I never knew when to fold ‘em. Even though I never went through serious treatments, just when we would come close to crossing that bride, I would get pregnant only to lose it soon. I kept getting pregnant so I kept thinking, “I can DO this.”

    In life, I have been able to achieve anything I really wanted. I’ve studies, saved money, used sheer determination. It was so frustrating for conception to be completely out of my control. Well, frustrating probably isn’t the best word for what I was feeling but it is close.

    I don’t think my blog would be book worthy. My blog mostly centers around myself, and that is only interesting for so long! My favorite blogs, the blogs I feel are book worthy, are the ones that use what they have learned to help other people. They tell their own story but, in the end, it becomes so much more.

  16. I addressed this question in my own book shower post, but essentially, I realized I really wasn’t getting any closer, I was basically just spinning my wheels.

    Like DeDe, dh & I had agreed to a set number of IUI injectable cycles (three) when we started out. I reserved the right to change my mind. : ) But when we reached the end of those three cycles I realized I really couldn’t continue to do this anymore — I was a wreck, & the odds were not in our favour. We took a break over the summer (at the suggestion of a counsellor) & re-evaluated in the fall. Difficult as it was to stop, I knew it was the right decision for us. Your own mileage may vary. : )

    And no, I’ve never considered turning my blog into a book. I think PJ has done a much better job of covering the market anyway! : )

  17. Question 1: yes, I’m feeling like that every single day: closer, closer, closer…

    Question 2: WAY too much effort!!!! I admire anyone that does that greatly. (I wish I had the discipline to write a fantasy or detective novel, though…!!)

  18. So much creativity and excellent writing in this community!

    As for us, we haven’t given up and echo Tertia’s feelings of being “so close.”

    As for a book, I’ve always dreamed of writing one (being the daughter of a librarian and bookmobile lady) but haven’t yet put my pen to paper with enough discipline. Like chicklet said, many kudos to those who have the dedication to pull off a completed work!

  19. I think we realized that even when we felt we were the closest, we were still so far away. and until we turned to adoption, every step brought us even further away…

    I have often thought about writing a book to share my experience, though it would be hard to limit the subject — infertility? loss? adoption? hopefully parenting after infertility? just too much and probably only interesting to me and a very small set of others…

  20. I think my experience is pretty close to Tertia’s but in a slightly different way. I think we were always focused on the bigger goal for us which was becoming parents. It didn’t matter as much how that happened, just that it happened.

    I think that’s what Tertia felt deep down inside as well. She was willing to do whatever it took to become a mother. I don’t think she sees it as only relating to treatment (I hesitate to speak for her but she and I have talked about this a lot over the past few years).

    As for turning my blog into a book, I think I’m way down on the list of deserving bloggers.

  21. I don’t get that “so close” feeling because more treatments don’t increase your odds <>per cycle<> and the more failed treatments means that your odds <>per cycle<> are probably that much lower. Not because they got lower because you are older (although this can certainly have an impact) but because you are learning more about what your odds are.

    I wished (and occasionally still wish) that I had had the money and the emotional energy to keep trying with my eggs. I may have beaten the odds if I kept trying, but after 6 years of intense trying, 4 fresh cycles, 36 embryos and 4 years since we lot our son, I couldn’t stand the thought of trying the same thing and hoping for a different result.

    I still get pangs of envy when I hear about people who could keep trying the same path and were eventually successful, but I am also now parenting and loving it.

    Turning my blog into a book? I have entertained the idea but I think there are so many personal stories out there and I also know it isn’t in my nature to pull something like that together.

  22. I think we realized that even when we felt we were the closest, we were still so far away. and until we turned to adoption, every step brought us even further away…

    I have often thought about writing a book to share my experience, though it would be hard to limit the subject — infertility? loss? adoption? hopefully parenting after infertility? just too much and probably only interesting to me and a very small set of others…

  23. I think my experience is pretty close to Tertia’s but in a slightly different way. I think we were always focused on the bigger goal for us which was becoming parents. It didn’t matter as much how that happened, just that it happened.

    I think that’s what Tertia felt deep down inside as well. She was willing to do whatever it took to become a mother. I don’t think she sees it as only relating to treatment (I hesitate to speak for her but she and I have talked about this a lot over the past few years).

    As for turning my blog into a book, I think I’m way down on the list of deserving bloggers.

  24. I don’t get that “so close” feeling because more treatments don’t increase your odds <>per cycle<> and the more failed treatments means that your odds <>per cycle<> are probably that much lower. Not because they got lower because you are older (although this can certainly have an impact) but because you are learning more about what your odds are.

    I wished (and occasionally still wish) that I had had the money and the emotional energy to keep trying with my eggs. I may have beaten the odds if I kept trying, but after 6 years of intense trying, 4 fresh cycles, 36 embryos and 4 years since we lot our son, I couldn’t stand the thought of trying the same thing and hoping for a different result.

    I still get pangs of envy when I hear about people who could keep trying the same path and were eventually successful, but I am also now parenting and loving it.

    Turning my blog into a book? I have entertained the idea but I think there are so many personal stories out there and I also know it isn’t in my nature to pull something like that together.

  25. Folding ‘em – not ready yet. Don’t know when we will be, but yes, if the odds are truly stacked against use I would rather cut my losses and focus on what we do have – a great marriage and lots of plans for the future. I love Loribeth’s comment “mileage may vary”. So true.

    Blog to book – no I have not considered that. Although I think there is certainly a need for dedicated RPL books in the infertility literature.

  26. I really suck at folding ‘em.

    But I think the security of knowing big guns were in our back pocket let me try the “let’s see if I can’t full my body into the way normal bodies work” approach when dealing with primary infertility.

    Blog into book… husband thinks I should do that. I don’t think I would ever do that straight up. I do have an idea that would be related to the blog, but not a retelling. Have no idea if I will ever decide to give it a try. The one thing that would trouble me is I would have to give up my anonymity/semi-anonymity. I actually brought that last part up as a question in my own (ridiculously late) shower post.

  27. I had a very vivid experience of “when is enough enough” on my IF journey. After 8 assisted cycles and two miscarriages, I suddenly lost faith that it would ever work with my own eggs. I was nearing 43, and though I had been sure that if I just tried enough times, we would find that golden egg … I suddenly stopped believing. So we went the donor egg route, and one tranferred 5-day embryo later, I was the mom of a miracle.

  28. Folding ‘em – not ready yet. Don’t know when we will be, but yes, if the odds are truly stacked against use I would rather cut my losses and focus on what we do have – a great marriage and lots of plans for the future. I love Loribeth’s comment “mileage may vary”. So true.

    Blog to book – no I have not considered that. Although I think there is certainly a need for dedicated RPL books in the infertility literature.

  29. I really suck at folding ‘em.

    But I think the security of knowing big guns were in our back pocket let me try the “let’s see if I can’t full my body into the way normal bodies work” approach when dealing with primary infertility.

    Blog into book… husband thinks I should do that. I don’t think I would ever do that straight up. I do have an idea that would be related to the blog, but not a retelling. Have no idea if I will ever decide to give it a try. The one thing that would trouble me is I would have to give up my anonymity/semi-anonymity. I actually brought that last part up as a question in my own (ridiculously late) shower post.

  30. I had a very vivid experience of “when is enough enough” on my IF journey. After 8 assisted cycles and two miscarriages, I suddenly lost faith that it would ever work with my own eggs. I was nearing 43, and though I had been sure that if I just tried enough times, we would find that golden egg … I suddenly stopped believing. So we went the donor egg route, and one tranferred 5-day embryo later, I was the mom of a miracle.

  31. I’d like to write a book but I’m thinking fiction.

    And when to fold em? I can’t really say (though I think I did at some point find words for it.)

    I couldn’t take the physical torment anymore, age was not on my side, nor was money/heath insurance. I went with adoption . . . the surer bet.

    I would not change that choice for a dozen bio babies.

  32. What a great post to plug our fellow bloggers’ books!

    Don’t know the answer to the first question. This path has taken me on so many twists and turns that my answer kept changing along the way. Someone wrote on her blog that if she had to go to hell and back to have her baby, she would do so. I sometimes feel like that as well.

    I don’t think I would turn my blog into a book, but I’ve always thought about writing a book some day.

  33. I’d like to write a book but I’m thinking fiction.

    And when to fold em? I can’t really say (though I think I did at some point find words for it.)

    I couldn’t take the physical torment anymore, age was not on my side, nor was money/heath insurance. I went with adoption . . . the surer bet.

    I would not change that choice for a dozen bio babies.

  34. What a great post to plug our fellow bloggers’ books!

    Don’t know the answer to the first question. This path has taken me on so many twists and turns that my answer kept changing along the way. Someone wrote on her blog that if she had to go to hell and back to have her baby, she would do so. I sometimes feel like that as well.

    I don’t think I would turn my blog into a book, but I’ve always thought about writing a book some day.

What say you?