Open adoption: Fathers Three

by Lori Lavender Luz on June 20, 2009

in Birth parent,Open Adoption

I’m taking a seat at the Open Adoption Roundtable, where the assignment for the week of Father’s Day is:


Write about the father(s) in your family’s open adoption(s).

In our case, there are three. Rob, Joe and AJ.

Let’s start with AJ, Reed’s first father. Reed was a complete surprise to his first mother, Michele, making himself known just hours before he was born. Michele and AJ had not been together for months; he had moved to another state.

We have scant information on him. I once used an email address that I *think* was his to send him some photos of Reed. We did not hear back.

If I could tell him just a few things, it would be: “Reed is so lovable and loving and intelligent and wondering and adorable and he tries his best at everything. He is a son any parent would be extremely proud of. You must have all these qualities, too. I wish you would get in touch with us — it would mean a lot to Reed.”

Next up is Joe, Tessa’s first father. Joe has been part of our extended family since last year. We’ve had some bumps in the road — not any one’s fault, but rather the nature of a union after 7 years of separation. Joe has handled things better than I had expected, always respectful and always keeping Tessa’s well-being in mind. I suspect the reunion has been hard on him.

What I will say to him on Father’s Day when we call: “Thank you so much for all the gifts you gave Tessa, and for being in our lives to help make her whole. It’s time for us to get together again.”

Finally, there is DaDa, what our kids call Roger (I love it; it’s sweet).

Roger is a storybook dad. He is interested in everything and he exposes our children to his passions: music, sports, fixing things, cooking, history, language, travel. He is a man of his word who models compassion, patience and zest for life. One of the things I love most about him is that he loves to get at the kids’ level and be a kid with them. Perhaps the wisest thing I’ve ever done was choose him to be a father to my children.

To Roger, I will say: “You continue to amaze me with your ability to always know how to handle whatever comes up in exactly the wisest way. Now, let’s find a sitter and have a Date Night. We haven’t seen a movie since 2001.”

Click over to Production Not Reproduction to see what other open adoption bloggers have to say on this topic.

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Sunny April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

I am so interested in hearing about open adoption, thanks for sharing! Happy Father’s Day to your DH. :)

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Martha April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Rob sounds so like my husband! We did good in the Daddy department.
Great post.

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battynurse April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Great post. I love reading your posts about open adoption.

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Sunny April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

I am so interested in hearing about open adoption, thanks for sharing! Happy Father’s Day to your DH. :)

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Martha April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Rob sounds so like my husband! We did good in the Daddy department.
Great post.

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battynurse April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Great post. I love reading your posts about open adoption.

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Lollipop Goldstein April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Though Chicklet’s rewrite will get you farther on the date night, I do love this line: “Perhaps the wisest thing I’ve ever done was choose him to be a father to my children.”

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Jamie April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Wow – I had a really warm, fuzzy feeling until I read Chicklet’s comment, then I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair!

I have so many hopes for my Hubby as a father. When I think of parenthood, I think of the old saying, “It’s the greatest challenge you’ll ever love.” It sounds like you guys haved it nailed!

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chicklet April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

I think you should tell Rob instead, that “You continue to amaze me with your rock-hard body, and that awesome look you’ve got going when you’re shirtless.”. That’s so much more meaningful than what you said – nudge nudge wink wink;-)

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niobe April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Gosh, I am oblivious. Because it absolutely did not occur to me that this weekend was Father’s Day. Thanks for the reminder!

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Lollipop Goldstein April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Though Chicklet’s rewrite will get you farther on the date night, I do love this line: “Perhaps the wisest thing I’ve ever done was choose him to be a father to my children.”

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Jamie April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Wow – I had a really warm, fuzzy feeling until I read Chicklet’s comment, then I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair!

I have so many hopes for my Hubby as a father. When I think of parenthood, I think of the old saying, “It’s the greatest challenge you’ll ever love.” It sounds like you guys haved it nailed!

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chicklet April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

I think you should tell Rob instead, that “You continue to amaze me with your rock-hard body, and that awesome look you’ve got going when you’re shirtless.”. That’s so much more meaningful than what you said – nudge nudge wink wink;-)

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niobe April 7, 2010 at 2:40 am

Gosh, I am oblivious. Because it absolutely did not occur to me that this weekend was Father’s Day. Thanks for the reminder!

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Kristin April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

I love how gracefully you have handled this. And, why did I not realize you adopted through Lutheran Family Services? I really don’t know how I missed that.

ROFL at chicklet’s rewrite of what you will tell Rob.

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Kristin April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

I love how gracefully you have handled this. And, why did I not realize you adopted through Lutheran Family Services? I really don’t know how I missed that.

ROFL at chicklet’s rewrite of what you will tell Rob.

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loribeth April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Your post made me sniffle.

Chicklet’s comment made me crack up. :D

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loribeth April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Your post made me sniffle.

Chicklet’s comment made me crack up. :D

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Sheri April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Rob is a hottie — not only because he is an awesome father, husband, friend and person, but because he’s just plain hot!

Happy Father’s Day!

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Sheri April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Rob is a hottie — not only because he is an awesome father, husband, friend and person, but because he’s just plain hot!

Happy Father’s Day!

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Deathstar April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Just my two cents cause both DH and I had fathers who weren’t so hot. Father’s day belongs to those who stick around to do the job, not those who contributed genetic material.

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Geohde April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

I am always in awe of how you’ve been able to meld together so many people into your children’s lives, family is truly more complex than many of us believe.

g

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Deathstar April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Just my two cents cause both DH and I had fathers who weren’t so hot. Father’s day belongs to those who stick around to do the job, not those who contributed genetic material.

Reply

Geohde April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

I am always in awe of how you’ve been able to meld together so many people into your children’s lives, family is truly more complex than many of us believe.

g

Reply

Kami April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Thanks for sharing your journey in open adoption.

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Kami April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Thanks for sharing your journey in open adoption.

Reply

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