Open Adoption: Wish List

July 9, 2009

in Adoptee, Birth parent, Open Adoption

I’m taking a seat at the Open Adoption Roundtable, where the assignment this session is:

Share your wish list for your open adoption(s).

For Tessa’s situation, which is fully open with both firstparents, I wish:

  • that Tessa feels integrated rather than split as she grows emotionally and cognitively
  • that seeing Tessa ceases to cause her birthfather, Joe, to ache (hey, it IS a wishlist)
  • that Crystal and I have the wisdom to handle all the adoption questions that may come as Tessa grows into a tween, a teen, a young woman, a wife and mother herself

For Reed’s situation, which is an open door adoption, I wish:

  • that Michele would be more accessible to Reed, more present
  • that Reed’s birthfather would surface and that Reed would feel his love
  • that Reed will continue to be OK with the differing levels of openness experienced by him and Tessa
  • that Reed will always feel loved by his birthfamily, whether they are present or not
  • that Roger and I have the wisdom to handle all the adoption questions that may come as Reed grows into a tween, a teen, a young man, a husband and father himself

Remember to click over to Production, Not Reproduction to see what others (adoptive parents, birthparents, even an OA adoptee) have to say. And if you’re in an open adoption, feel free to contribute your own list to the roundtable.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Kymberli April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

Beautiful list, Lori. I learn so much about adoption in general and the intricacies of open adoption specifically through your candor. I’m learning so much, and for that I am grateful!

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Sunny April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

I second what Kymberli said! I just soak up what you say, I have learned a lot. In fact, I was mentioning your blog to a friend of mine today. She was told she would never have children by 4 docs, then she found out she was pregnant 2 weeks before her hysterectomy for debilitating endo! She has a gorgeous son and had the hysterectomy when he was a few months old. She wants to continue to add to her family, and I suggested she check you out!

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Sheri April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

This is a great list. I hope you your wishes come true! :)

You are providing a great look at what Open Adoption is and what it can be. In many ways you are a pioneer of this type of adoption.

Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly and honestly. It is a gift to so many…

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luna April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

wonderful wishes, all. xo.

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Furrow April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

I’m going to totally gender stereotype and say that at least the situation is not reversed. Something tells me that a girl (maybe because of the whole mothering instinct thing) would be more hurt by a nonresponsive bm than a boy. I see this difference in my husband and SIL (both adopted). But still, I hope that Reed someday has the wonderful option that Tessa has.

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Baby Smiling In Back Seat April 7, 2010 at 2:41 am

“Reed will always feel loved by his birthfamily”

I wonder if you ever worry that Reed will think his birthparents stay away because they don’t love him, or worse, that maybe they really don’t love him? It’s easy to see how a child (or adult) would interpret absence as lack of love. It’s especially ironic and sad because he’s an amazingly lovable kid, and anyone who got to know him would love him whole-heartedly.

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