*Thisclose*

December 18, 2009

in Stories

I am face-down on the floor, the life force ebbing from my body. Must. Dial. Phone.

“9-1-1. What is your emergency?”

I croak but can’t speak.

“Ma’am? What is the nature of your emergency?”

Can’t. Catch. Breath.

“Ma’am, are you choking?”

“No,” I manage.

“Are you bleeding? Is there an intruder in the house? Are you on fire? Is there a Doberman hanging from your jugular?”

“No,” I whisper.

“Ma’am, I would like to help you. Please tell me the nature of your emergency.”

It takes every ounce of life left in me to blurt:

“Lego.”

===========================
death by legoWhile picking up over the weekend, I got down on all fours to swipe under the couch.

I fell onto a Lego. An itty-bitty Lego.

Right in the “funny-bone” part of my knee. If I hadn’t already been on my knees, it would have brought me to them. The pain was sharp and excruciating, and the shock to my nervous system on that reflex-point made the room go white.

I slumped down to the floor, almost passed out. Roger was out on a bike ride, and I felt badly that he’d come home to find his beloved wife dead by Lego. That the kids, fighting with each other obliviously elsewhere in the house, would feel guilty about their role in my accident, and that Lego creatures would forever haunt their dreams.

But apparently it was not my time, and within about 5 minutes, I caught my breath and was able to re-join the ranks of the living. No one even knew how close I came to the. end. And there’s not even a bruise to prove my near transition from the quick to the dead.

Let this be a lesson for your knees.

(Tip of the hat to my sister, Tami.)

Image courtesy of Idea Go / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

The Casual Perfectionist April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

I’ll never forget the night my dad stepped on a Lego with his bare foot. We all feared for *our* lives that fateful night. Oh, and we were very careful to pick them all up after that incident.

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Sunny April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Gah! That’s worse than my near-death-by-Neti-pot experience. Glad you are okay. Did you melt that lego to teach it a lesson?

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Rachel April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

glad you’re okay, watch out for the mighty lego…

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Delenn April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

They be dangerous things, these Legos! :-) Glad you are okay.

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Baby Smiling In Back Seat April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

I remember a trip to the toy store when I was a kid to buy presents for my cousins. I was very careful to choose toys with no small pieces, because my uncle was so cranky about finding them around the house.

His crankiness makes more sense to adult Me than to child Me.

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Kristin April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Legos in the floor are part of the curse on parents. I’ve BTDT and man did it HURT!

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Sandy April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Yeeoouuch! You poor thing. That was a pretty funny 911 call. Death by lego. I love it.

I stepped on one of those suckers barefooted once (my nephew’s–Oscar is still too little for those) and a whole stream of expletives flew out of my mouth. My nephew just stared at me with his mouth open.

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My Reality April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

This made me laugh!

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My name is Andy. April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Been there, done that and boy howdy does it hurt!!!!

I hope you milked the guilt for a while at least!

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areyoukiddingme April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Oh yes, I have gotten the lego to the knee. It is the most painful non-injury I’ve ever had. My sympathies…

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MrsSpock April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

We only allow the ginormous ones in the house thus far- but must remember never to step on one in the future.

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FarmWife April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Oy! Those little butterfly hair clips are nearly as dangerous as Legos. I remember my Mama making near death threats to anyone caught leaving stray Legos & Matchbox cars laying about.

So far we live in the land of Duplo…they’re easier to spot.

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PaleMother April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Ah, the stuff of nightmares.

My mother recently gave my daughter a set of JAX. While cleaning for the holidays, to my horror, I’ve discovered the 2.5 year old got into them and I am finding them sprinkled ~everywhere~. Every time I spot one (or three) on the floor, my barefooted life flashes before my eyes. It’s like living in a mine field.

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chicklet April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

I’m sorry but ROFL!

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mama2roo April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

durn, Santa is bringing legos to the Woob this Christmas (I hear on good authority).

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luna April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

scary! glad you’re ok.

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battynurse April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Oh man. I’ve never gotten the knee lego but I’ve stepped on a few and they were horrible.

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excavator April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

You mean it’s not embedded in your knee?

Years from now you’ll have a mysterious knee problem. The clinicians will look at all the MRI’s and x-rays, and will nod and concur: “lego.”

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Melissa April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Dagummed Legos! I’m relieved you lived to tell the tale… If it makes you feel any better, my knee is having sympathy pain for yours.

:o/

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caitsmom April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Wow, glad you’re OK. Who knew . . . legos. . . .

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Caitlin April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Let that be a lesson to you…make your husband clean under the couch next time! =)

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Sheri April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Remember our red tin full of Legos? That seems like a long time ago. I can’t believe Mom and Dad let us play with something so dangerous!!

I guess the moral of the story is NOT to clean under the couch???

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Brenna April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Oh my gosh, I’d never considered the potentially lethal aspects of the Lego! I’ll bet that did hurt like heck–glad to hear you’re recovering. :)

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Furrow April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

I never really liked Legos. Glad to know that my animosity is well placed. That sounds really painful.

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Aunt Becky April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Those things are INSANELY painful. They hurt the bottom of the feet too. I’m shivering just THINKING about it.

Glad you’re okay. *shudders*

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PFM April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

ouch. That sounds terrible. It reminds me of when you stub your toe. That is the worst pain. I have steps on several little toys and it hasn’t been a thrilling experience.

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RobinJP April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

You are getting to be such a great writer… nice job!
That’ll teach you to clean under the couch.

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Alana April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

ROFL. You depict the excruciating pain just perfectly. Like others, I’ve never experienced a knee-Lego, but I HAVE stepped on one and felt the pain shoot all way up to my teeth. Yikes! Glad you recovered!

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Billy April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Ouch!
Glad you’re better now :-).

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Quiet Dreams April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

If stepping on them is so bad, I can’t imagine what it must feel like to get it in the knee. Wait, I can because you just described it perfectly.

So glad you didn’t die by lego. I think we ALL would be haunted by legos in our dreams if you had.

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The Steadfast Warrior April 7, 2010 at 5:02 am

Oh Lori! I’ve stepped on lego before and I know how painful it is. Your accounting of the incident is far more humourous than I think I would have managed.

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Lollipop Goldstein April 7, 2010 at 5:55 am

How much would it have sucked to write that obit–death by lego.

I have stepped on those before and shouted “motherfucker!” for a good five minutes before I could calm. Yesterday, I stepped on a playmobil and though I was writhing in pain, the twins went to CHECK ON THE PLAYMOBIL FIGURE–you know, just in case, G-d forbid, I broke it.

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Jamie April 7, 2010 at 5:55 am

ACK!! I’m so glad you survived your encounter with A Lego. Those things are dangerous.

Growing up, we lived in a two story house and anything belonging to my brother or I that needed to be taken to our rooms got put on the bottom step. Legos and Hot Wheels can sure tear up a foot.

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Laura April 7, 2010 at 5:56 am

Ack! Be careful. They bite.

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OneFifth Fox September 21, 2010 at 8:53 am

That is so true! Lego should come with a warning! xxx

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Rachell (Barrenista) September 21, 2010 at 6:02 pm

It was a mini-firefighter figurine for me. It was also the day that my son almost became the biggest donor of toys to the goodwill, as I swore they would all be given away if that ever happened again…lol

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Pix September 26, 2010 at 9:27 pm

Sorry to laugh at your expense, but that was a dang good story! Glad you are OK, and be cautious for errant Legos!
Pixie–
Cheese Curds and Kimchi

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Kate November 22, 2010 at 2:24 am

As a mum of three boys, I know how dangerous lego can be!
Glad you survived to write another day :)
Kate
[ICLW]

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Randi November 24, 2010 at 9:57 pm

Here from ICLW :) Hysterical post. I feel like those moments happen to me all the time. I am forever being clumsy or unbalanced and having accidents around the house that find me lying on the floor waiting for the pain to pass. The cats always come hang out with me though – waiting to make sure their food machine is in working order :P Best wishes to you and enjoy your holiday if you’re in the states.

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Jodi - Family Travel Magazine February 19, 2013 at 6:50 am

Ouch. Those Legos are dangerous little things, aren’t they?

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