Answer me this #19

by Lori Lavender Luz on June 26, 2010

in Answer me this,Death & dying

What, do you think, makes for a good death?

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Erica June 26, 2010 at 7:23 pm

I would wish to live a long and happy life and die in my sleep before I get too sick and decrepid. No nursing homes, no hospitals. Just peace.

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Ziggy June 26, 2010 at 7:48 pm

No regrets. Looking back and saying I really did everything I wanted to, or at least tried really hard. That, n not being too old, to the point where Im sick and miserable.

I wonder if we will answer this question differently in 5/10/etc years. I imagine that once I have kids and grandkids, my answer would reflect that :)

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a June 26, 2010 at 8:34 pm

Quick. That’s all I am interested in. My dad’s family lingers. My mom’s family drops dead (with annoying long term health issues like hypertension, diabetes, etc. beforehand). My grandfather (dad’s dad) spent 5-6 years in bed after he broke his hip. My grandmother (mom’s mom) fell over dead in church at a funeral.

I’ve done lots of interesting things, and I’d like to be around for my girl, but I don’t want her to watch me suffer. So, quick.

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Lavender Luz June 27, 2010 at 10:06 am

I wonder if one’s answer changes depending on one’s stage of life, like Ziggy says. Like A, I want it to be quick. But still, I’m not ready to go now a la Princess Diana.

I’m still pondering my own question. I wonder how hard I would fight if I were given a grave diagnosis.

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Sandy June 27, 2010 at 1:26 pm

As far in the future as possible! Maybe like this:

I’m at my 101st birthday party and feel a little sleepy, so I go in the next room for a delicious nap. I doze off to the sound of friends and family in the next room, and never wake up.

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Luv my 4 Rapscallions June 27, 2010 at 1:40 pm

My mom is terminally ill – cancer everywhere. She has pondered this very question with me. She is a psychologist and is always willing to talk honestly. She has decided that she is very glad she did not die suddenly. She has had a chance ( this past year, so far) to reconnect with friends, grandchildren, children. We have traveled, talked about her childhood, eaten wonderful meals. She is feeling tired, has symptoms from chemotherapy…. And yet is grateful to have this time.

It is a blessing to be able to say goodbye. She is still feeling pretty well but has lots of doctor appointments. Mom always looks at the bright side of situations. It will likely be very hard as she becomes more I’ll and in pain.

I guess if you can find blessings everywhere you look if you have the right attitude.

Personally, I like the 101st birthday party nap idea.

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Phoebe June 27, 2010 at 6:08 pm

My uncle just died in his sleep last week a few days after his 79th birthday. He went golfing the day before. I thought, lucky him!

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Mel June 28, 2010 at 6:17 am

I think having gotten to ask everything I needed to ask before the death occurred. Having said everything I need to say. To get one perfect moment with the person in those last moments.

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Leigh June 28, 2010 at 11:23 am

My mom, who is in her late fifties, has admitted that she’s scared of dying. She doesn’t like getting old and doesn’t feel that she’s ready any time soon. Now, I don’t think she’s anywhere near dying age and she has no health problems, but it still made me sad to hear her honest answer: that she’s scared of death.

I hope that when the time comes for me, I’m old, at least have a few grandchildren and my own children are grown up. I know that I’ll have experienced many of life’s thrills and the joy of the simple things too, since I’m fortunate enough to have already seen a lot of wonderful things. So while I don’t want to be suffering per say, for many years and to be a burden on my loved ones, I do think I’d love to have the time to say my goodbyes to cherished family members and really soak up all my favorite vistas (and eat up my favorite foods).

So, long comment short :) Old and surrounded by loved ones.

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flying monkeys June 28, 2010 at 2:36 pm

My own terms. Not suicide but no tubes, not hospitals, no one trying to make me survive despite the odds to alleviate their own pain or guilt. My hope is that in my life I can begin to live it to the fullest before I can’t anymore. I’m trying, I find excuses not to but I’m trying. That would make for a good death and not surviving my children would be nice too.

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Yo-yo Mama July 3, 2010 at 12:10 pm

I have a hard time even contemplating it without thinking it’ll bring about something awful. A good death…frankly, I don’t know if there is one. However, I fear getting old more than death, but I don’t want to die before my daughter is old enough to remember me. Would you believe that even thinking about my daughter being an old sick woman nearly dissolves me to tears??

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Lavender Luz July 3, 2010 at 5:24 pm

I would believe it.

The other thing that makes me sad is thinking of my children one day taking care of me when I’m helpless the way I took care of them when they were helpless.

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Martha at A Sense of Humor is Essential July 11, 2010 at 6:33 pm

The same as a good birth,

Peaceful, pain controlled, surrounded by those you love.

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