This is a post about intersection.
For two intense weeks, starting with the day I got kicked out of the blog name I’d apparently been squatting on, I lived in the No Man’s Land of the blogosphere. The exercise was more than just naming my blog; it was clarifying my identity.
So. Who am I? Really, at my core? And how do I bring that person to the surface more and more?
The same day I found clarity and bestowed on this blog its new name, a TED video appeared in my Facebook stream that said so much of what I want to say on the matter of authenticity and whole-hearted living. And this is how I became acquainted with Brené Brown.
Brené Brown, PhD, is an academic researcher at the University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work, as well as a storyteller. The two go together naturally, she says, because after all, “stories are just data with a soul.”
Below is her TED presentation on how the Whole-Hearted live. There is a reason I’m posting this close to the weekend. I want you to spend 20 minutes watching this. So settle in now, or bookmark and come back later when you have time.
Brené shares what her research shows is the prime factor that determines one’s ability to connect and feel a sense of belonging. (8:06)
- That courage (Latin origin cor, “from the heart”) is telling your story with your whole heart.
- That people with an ability to connect and belong had the courage to be imperfect. (my struggle with perfectionism)
- That they had the compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others, because we can’t practice compassion if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.
- And the last was that they had connection, as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were. (8:46)
- The other thing that they had in common was that they fully embraced vulnerability. (9:40)
She tells how she experienced her own identity crisis as a social scientist. The reason we do research is to control and predict. My mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown. (11:05)
I especially like what Brené says about parenting:
They [children] are hardwired for struggle when they get here. When you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, your job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect.” My job is not just to keep her perfect and make sure she makes the tennis team by 5th grade. Our job is to say, “Look you’re imperfect and you’re hard wired for struggle. But you are worthy of love and belonging. (18:15)
May the message resonate for you the way it does for me.