Perfect Moment Monday: Now and then. And now.

January 9, 2011

in Perfect Moment, Tessa

I cuddle in bed with Tessa and do to her what I love having done to me:  I stroke her hair as she falls asleep. I caress her brow ridge. I line the contour of her ear. Such intimate gestures occur with only a few very special people in one’s lifetime.

As I marvel at her beautifully full cheeks and peaceful expression, I get lost.  Yup, I do the time-travel thing again.

Dwelling in my heart are aches from the past week. It has been filled with mother-sadness, first about my mother-in-law’s prognosis, and then with the death of my good friend’s mom (my friend was able to be at her side. As I write, the burial is taking place. I have been with my friend in spirit all week, many states away).

So with heavy heart but light spirit, I move into the place where time and space become fluid. I feel myself old. Like 90 years old. Resting, weary…

I feel my grown daughter’s hands stroking my hair, caressing my brow ridge, lining the contour of my ear. She has such love in her eyes for me. Older now than I was on that night so long ago. Tessa is fully independent and capable of going on in spite of the deep loss my eventual death will bring her. I have lived a good life; I have done well at the important things.

In an instant, I came back to now. Insha’llah, I get to live 40ish more years. I get to love, stroke, caress, hug, enjoy, endure, witness, feel, experience all that my life is and will be.

The thought wows me.


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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Denise January 9, 2011 at 8:25 pm

This post just gave me the chills!


RobinJP January 9, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Wow! What a great gift you just got. Sadness and joy. Past and future. All rolled into one.


fiona January 9, 2011 at 9:13 pm

Powerful – I find myself torn when I begin to think to far in the future. I don’t see myself being old, older – can’t imagine not having my babies at home with me…. but then that is the cycle of life and our purpose is to prepare them to be without us. Oye – so not ready to go there!


Melody January 9, 2011 at 10:29 pm

Tears are rolling down my cheeks for all the lost moments, for all the stolen ones,and for all the treasured ones with each of my daughters. We can’t have everything, but we can treasure those we have!


Delenn January 10, 2011 at 7:27 am

Beautiful descriptions of a beautiful moment.


Melissa @ Full Circle January 10, 2011 at 8:27 am

Beautiful. You know you always make me cry, right?


Baby Smiling In Back Seat January 10, 2011 at 8:51 am

I can’t even see myself or my children a few months in the future, let alone half a lifetime.

“Heavy heart but light spirit.” I like that so much.


Baby Smiling In Back Seat January 10, 2011 at 8:51 am

That is to say, I don’t like the feeling, for myself or for you, but I like the way you captured it.


Valerie January 10, 2011 at 9:35 am

With all that’s going on in Tucson right now (where I live), this honoring of the beauty of life really touched me! THANK YOU for your beautiful heart and loving words!


andy January 10, 2011 at 10:30 am

I’m in awe when you write like this. Thank you.


Kir January 10, 2011 at 11:21 am

*WOW*..those are happy, amazed tears on my keyboard.


Sheri January 10, 2011 at 11:27 am

I’m amazed at how your writing can evoke such strong feelings. It’s very powerful!

In my life coaching practice, one of the exercises I love to do it helping someone step into his or her Future Self, say twenty years in the future.

It’s amazing what insights, wisdom and centered-ness can happen from a future perspective. It’s a very powerful perspective.

Thank you for sharing your insights with us. Wow!


liz January 10, 2011 at 1:00 pm

Maddie is the kid who will let us rock her a bit before nap and bedtime, and she welcomes the cuddle. Just in the past week, she’s started to want to sit next to me in teh glider instead of cuddling in my lap. That makes me sad.


Autism Mom Rising January 11, 2011 at 7:13 am

When people around us are transitioning or have recently done so it is natural to ponder such things, and you have expressed your thoughts so exquisitely. I could see the whole scene unfold in my mind. It is the rare, exceptional writer that can make me do that since my learning makes it very difficult for me to think in pictures.

I can appreciate your story for its own sake, definitely. Personally though, I prefer not to time travel. I want to lock in the present moment, where my son is little and I am healthy and don’t have to worry about what will happen to him after we are gone.


Autism Mom Rising January 11, 2011 at 7:15 am

ooops, that was supposed to say “my learning disability makes it difficult for me to think in pictures”. I must start proof-reading before I hit send, not after. :)


Quiet Dreams January 11, 2011 at 8:10 am

Love this. What a beautiful image of your life.


Jean@MommyToTwoBoys January 11, 2011 at 2:03 pm

Beautiful. What a great reminder to live every day, every moment. I am going to turn this computer off in a minute and go focus on my kids. I want to have many more perfect moments.


Kristin January 11, 2011 at 10:15 pm

Absolutely beautiful!


Chris Bird January 12, 2011 at 12:12 am

I do this too with Reagan. It’s always just as you describe it. So beautiful.


luna January 14, 2011 at 12:48 am

that is such a WOW moment. and you captured it so beautifully!

heavy week indeed, reflecting on moms and motherhood.


Amber January 16, 2011 at 9:21 am

Getting caught up on all your posts but this one? A favorite.


desiree January 17, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I love it when people appreciate the “good stuff”… thanks for the reminder.


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