Time Warp Tuesday: Left Behind

by Lori Lavender Luz on August 14, 2012

in Death & dying,Suicide

Let’s see…which ultimate demise shall I choose  — “by one’s own hand” or “eff-ing cancer”?

I’m talking about my options for Time Warp Tuesday, the monthly blog hop offered by Kathy at Bereaved and Blessed. This month’s theme is Left Behind, and our assignment is to find an old post tells what it was like to live on after the death of a loved one. And then to write a new post explaining why I chose that post and what has happened in my life since.

Over the course of my blogging years, I’ve experienced two close-to-me deaths. We are coming up on the 4th anniversary of the former (and boy, are our hearts heavy), and we have passed the first anniversary of the latter.

So…….I’ll take eff-ing cancer for $200, Alex.

In my post from last April called On Death and Dying, I further processed the death of my mother-in-law, my children’s beloved Grandma Marshmallow (so named because she was incapable of saying No to them). She had fought cancer for 11 months, since the day the spring before when our lives were sliced into Before diagnosis and After it. The post is a collection of my observations during  the early days of grieving, of how I and others deal with death. I like the post because it’s raw. With some black humor peppered in.

What has happened since? Last summer we drove through Pennsylvania and West Virginia with my father-in-law, the kids getting personalized tours through Civil War battlefields and other historic locations. This summer we again visited my father-in-law and took a few day-trips from his Boston-area home, focusing this time on Revolutionary War sites. Each time we visit, the absence of my mother-in-law is glaring.

And yet, life goes on.

As it should. As it must.

Click over to Time Warp Tuesday to read more posts about being left behind, and maybe even add your own (eve if it’s no longer Tuesday).

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Justine August 14, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I lost my dad to cancer in February 2003. It was quick … too quick. Which was both good and bad. Sending love and light to you, and heading over the read the other post.

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Kathy August 14, 2012 at 7:30 pm

I can only imagine how bittersweet it is to reflect on that post about those early days after your mother-in-law’s death. As I shared in my (much too bleated) comment on the post you chose to revisit, I remember that time in your life vividly and how much my heart ached for you, Roger and the kids.

Life does go on, that is for sure and somehow we learn to live without our loved ones after they pass. I appreciate your observation on my Time Warp post about “missed potential.” I agree that the age of the deceased does make a difference when it comes to that. However, no matter how old a person is when they die, it usually feels too soon for all those whose lives and hearts have been touched and blessed through knowing them.

I am glad that you and your family continue to have those visits and special times together with your father-in-law. I am sorry that Grandma Marshmallow isn’t here in body to experience them with you, though I believe that one way or another she is with you in spirit.

Thanks so much for doing the Time Warp again! xoxo

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a August 14, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Life does go on – but the memories are always there too.

We lost my husband’s father to cancer last December. My daughter frequently tells us she misses her Papa. I just hope she had enough time with him to build some lifelong memories…

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Amy O'Connell August 14, 2012 at 9:04 pm

I love your style as I think a little dark humor it what gets us through the pain of such loss. I have lost my father, my baby girl, and 2 nephews within 3 years and kids do keep you going. The doing that they require is a blessing at times. My sons were very small when he died. My oldest says Grandpa Ron was cool cause he would eat his peas for him.

Your right life must go on as difficult and impossible as it may seem but it does.

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Mud Hut Mama August 15, 2012 at 4:05 am

I’m so sorry for your loss. The post you link to is so beautiful in its honesty and especially with its black humor.

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April August 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I hadn’t considered that the glaring absence was another reason I wanted to go elsewhere. I’ve never seen the rest of my father’s family without my grandmother being there. She’s left the same kind of hole as Grandma Marshmallow. I’m sorry.

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