Advice for new adopting parents

February 19, 2013

in Adoptive parenting

BlogHer approached me about contributing to its Absolute Beginner series, and I gave my best advice to these common issues people early on the path of adoption:

  • How to get through various stages of “The Wait.”
  • How to get ready for your new child.
  • When to tell people.
  • What you need to know about PADS, post-adoption depression syndrome.
  • When and how to tell your child about her adoption.
  • What to do when you fear you are an imposter.

Crib sheetSo click over to get the Crib Sheet with my responses. And see what one adoptive mom, Katie of From IF to When, has to say about applying the advice. She offers some excellent additional insights, and I especially appreciate how she likens infertility treatments to a series of sprints and the adoption process to a marathon.

What do you wish you’d known in the early days of your adoption? What advice would you give to someone just starting out on the adoption road?

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Lacie February 19, 2013 at 9:59 am

Great job! Love this:

“Does this mean you’re not the real mother? Does another mother’s existence negate your own? Nope—she is real AND you are real. Get comfortable with and confident in your own real, unique, and vital role in your child’s life. Keep changing those diapers, attending those nighttime feedings, and singing those lullabies: You’re a real mom now.”

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a February 19, 2013 at 10:20 am

Excellent job – lots of great information in a very confined format!

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Katie February 19, 2013 at 12:21 pm

Thank you so much for writing this post, Lori. It motivated me in such a positive way when I wrote about our personal journey, and it was comforting to know that so many of the feelings and emotions I felt while waiting for (and then parenting) my daughter were normal. You are such an inspiration!

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Jen February 19, 2013 at 4:24 pm

I love the advice about telling the adoption story. I have a friend who is adopted and she appreciates the way that her parents handled telling her…it was exactly the way that you suggested. She never had the talk, it just always was something she knew.

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Geochick February 19, 2013 at 10:04 pm

It’s a great crib sheet. I always find the advice for bearing the wait to be the trickiest to talk about. Logically, it makes sense to distract yourself and try to focus on being in the present moment, but at the same time, like fertility treatments, it becomes a slog.

I’m enjoying seeing the “other” as in “not extreme crazy stories” being portrayed to a broader audience. You are the perfect spokesperson!

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Stacey B. March 8, 2013 at 12:13 pm

What do you wish you’d known in the early days of your adoption? What advice would you give to someone just starting out on the adoption road?

I am happy you’ve posed these questions and I am glad to see such a positive response to your website. I don’t think it’s possible to every fully research all the facets of adoption but it’s so wonderful to see so many sources out there to help along the way :) Everyone wants their child to feel accepted and not grow up with an inner turmoil caused by the adoption. Adoption truly is a journey and I appreciate everyone who is sharing their experience to help make this process less intimidating! Thank you :)

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Kathy July 9, 2013 at 11:15 am

Here from the future via Time Warp Tuesday and glad to get to revisit this post and crib sheet with you. I recall when you posted it earlier this year, but for some reason never got around to reading and commenting. I am not surprised they asked you to do this or how helpful the information you shared is. As I often notice, so much of the advice you share about the adoption process and parenting after adopting can be applied to other situations and experiences in life, when we are waiting and/or striving to be good parents to our children. Thank you!

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