How to Set Boundaries in Open Adoption

June 26, 2014

in Adoption, Adoptive parenting, Open Adoption

Want to know more about how to set healthy boundaries in an open adoption? Haven’t read my book yet but are curious about it? Check out this book excerpt in Carrie Goldman’s Portrait of an Adoption Column on Chicago Now.

Here’s an excerpt of the excerpt Carrie is sharing on Portrait of an Adoption’s Facebook page:

If you find yourself thinking in terms of what you will “grant” birth parents, what you will “give up” to them, then it’s possible that, instead of seeing your relationship as mutually beneficial and having a valid place in your child’s life, you view them as an imposition. At times like this, it would be helpful to ascertain what fears lurk behind those thoughts. Of course, if you have real fears for your family’s safety, then your relationship may end up being somewhat adversarial. But if your fears are your personal demons—like a fear of not being the “real” parent—then the work to be done is is on yourself.

I have two more elsewheres to report this week:

  • Adoptimist quotes this blog in a graphic it has created, which you can see here. This is the second in a series of quotes.
  • AllParenting asks adoptive moms to share their adoption love stories. Read several of them here.

Denver family portraitThe Lavender Luz family a few years back.

That’s my flurry of news. How is your summer going?

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Northern Star June 26, 2014 at 9:39 pm

It always warms my heart to read excerpts from your book Lori! They are fantastic reminder of the spirit of parenting through open adoption. You always get it right and help us to do the same!


Geochick June 27, 2014 at 2:22 pm

Cool! You’re all over the place, and with good reason too!


Lori Lavender Luz June 27, 2014 at 2:53 pm

You are both very kind :-). Thank you.


Mel June 29, 2014 at 11:10 am

Such a good point, and I think it applies outside of adoption too with all the people who will come in contact with your child and whom you will share their upbringing. It’s a big world you need to share your child with.

I love that picture.


Haralee June 30, 2014 at 9:04 am

I have learned a great deal from your blogs about open adoption. Thanks!


Carol Cassara June 30, 2014 at 10:46 am

I’ll share for those who could use this important info.


Shannon Bradley-Colleary June 30, 2014 at 4:04 pm

Lori — lovely to visit your site and your views on adoption are so vital and refreshing.


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