All posts by Lori Holden

Lori Holden blogs at LavenderLuz.com and is the author of the highly-acclaimed guide, "The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption." She lives in Denver with her husband and two teenagers; hence, she is fond of yoga and red wine.

Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive Mom

Can a Birth Mom and Adoptive Mom from the Closed Era Coexist?

And if so, how?

Clare is a first mom who was found this year by her adult son. She left a comment recently, one that led to our email exchange. She recognizes that the readers here are savvy and sage, and that she might be able to tap into well-considered viewpoints from all parts of the adoption constellation.

birth mom adoptive mom coexist

Clare says:

I am considering sending a letter to my son’s parents and asking if they would like to meet with me for us to get to know each other a bit more and to help clear the air.

Continue reading Birth Mom: Help Me Write Letter to Son’s Adoptive Mom

Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster Adoption

Lynn Sollitto tells of the difficulties that arose for her when a desire to remain open to her daughters’ first mother collided with the imperative to protect her children from unsafe and unpredictable situations — either which could lead to physical and/or emotional trauma.

Foster Adoption / Infant Adoption

In 2008, my husband and I adopted Paige through foster care after I assisted her birth mother, Ruth, in labor. A year later, Paige’s older sister Payton joined our family.

We had a connection to the girls’ birth family and were open to have an open adoption. This would consist of online pictures and updates through Facebook. Direct contact would be addressed later, when the girls were older and understood more, and Ruth could claim a history of sobriety.

We made the requirements for contact clear: Ruth needed to stay clean, out of jail, and gainfully employed. Essentially, she needed to live the life that would have enabled her to keep her children.

This never came.

blue october everybody owns a scar Continue reading Everybody Owns a Scar: Trials in an Open Foster Adoption

Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with Birth Mom

A year ago I published a letter from Charlene that explained her son had found his birth mother and they had all attended his college graduation. The reunion had gone so well that the son had decided to move to another state to live with his birth mom and get to know his biological family.

Charlene was happy for her son, yet also had many other emotions and was feeling confused by their coexistence.

That post resulted in a lively and helpful discussion. Charlene wrote in this week with an update, and she doesn’t mind that I share it with you. We both feel there is value in seeing what happens when a person has no choice but to trust the process (well, I suppose you can fight the process, but in adoption that rarely ends well).

adoption reunion live with birth mom

Continue reading Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with Birth Mom

Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go”

I’ll cut to the chase: I loved this book.

Months ago author Patricia Florin sent me A Life Let Go to review. I had a big stack of books in my queue and not enough reading time to get to hers in a gracious manner, but I finally got time to read during our recent trip to Ireland.

Could Not Put it Down

Continue reading Book Review: Patricia Florin’s “A Life Let Go”