Category Archives: Adoption

Bloom Where You’re Planted

This is a cucumber plant in our yard. I did not put it there. I planted cucumbers about 75 feet away in a carefully tended garden. But this rogue cuke somehow grounded itself in the rocks, near the children’s swing set and assorted pairs of stomping feet.

bloom where you're planted cucumberStubborn thing.


In that carefully tended garden, I have melons. I did not plant these melons. Earlier in the summer Roger served a breakfast of honeydew with prosciutto and lime juice, and then mulched the waste. I suppose the seeds took root.

adoptees bloom where they're planted

Stubborn things. Continue reading Bloom Where You’re Planted

When There’s No Birth Parent Information to Share

Question:  For adoptive families who do not have contact with birth families due to a variety of situations — perhaps their child was adopted internationally or through a relinquished/closed domestic infant adoption, and they did not receive much if any info about the child’s birth family — what would you recommend for how to raise their child and talk about their adoption story, knowing that they do not know much about their child’s past and there is no contact with the birth family? What issues should parents and professional look out for, and how can we all best support these kids?

— Kim, adoption professional

open adoption advice

Guest advising today is Gayle Swift, founding member of GIFT, Growing Intentional Families Together. Gayle is an author, coach, and adoptive mom to two grown children.

Counterbalance Fantasy with a Cohesive Narrative

Dear Kim: It’s so great that you’re looking out for your clients and their children. As we know, children yearn to hear their story. They hunger for details—large and small—and seek affirmation of their pre-adoption life experiences. We must honor and share their journey.
filling in the adoptee's story when there's no birth parent information
When information about a child’s history is absent or incomplete, through a combination of detective work and supposition parents must piece together a cohesive narrative of the child’s pre-adoption life. In the absence of facts, children will develop fantasies. Wild fantasies. Continue reading When There’s No Birth Parent Information to Share