Category Archives: Suicide

Dots and circles

We have traveled to be with loved ones.

I am sorry for talking around the situation. I feel comfortable writing about my experiences of what’s going on, but it feels wrong to tell the full story because it belongs more to others.

A BIG thanks for your outpouring of support, love, light, prayers and warm thoughts. They are being received and they are truly working wonders.

From the time I heard the news until we arrived last night, I had this need, a pounding need, to know the sequence of events. How did people hear? What time? What led up to certain things? How did people react?

I needed to organize the bits. But it felt like I was connecting dots without being able to make a picture. Last night I was able to get that timeline from my sister, and consequently I slept well. It is comforting, for some reason, to turn the dots into a clearer image. Even though the image still doesn’t make sense.

Last night was also about letters. From one to many, and from many to the one. It was very cleansing, and I am so proud of The Tweens.

On tap today? A birthday party at noon. For the world’s best M&Ms organizer.

A few hours later, a viewing.

Talk about the circle of life.

Tomorrow we’ll hold a celebration of life.

We are surrounded by love and light. Among us and from those of you holding us in your hearts.

I am so touched to be held up by you all.

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Question: what has been the most helpful thing someone said or did when you experienced a significant shock to the system?

Here yesterday, gone today

I went to bed last night with one reality and woke up this morning with another. I’m not exactly sure at what moment it changed. Was I sleeping soundly? Was it one of the times I was awake, looking at the clock for an unknown reason? I have this need to know the moment, even though really, it doesn’t matter.

How does one tell young tweens, who are still figuring out their own ways of solving problems, not ever to use the problem-solving method their role model chose? It’s easy to tell them, I suppose, but so hard to make words speak louder than such a decisive deed.

I understand sadness and despair. I do NOT understand myopic self-centeredness that cannot take into account one’s influence and impact on others.

I am feeling such a swirl. Anger, anger, anger, sadness, disbelief, compassion, shock, more anger.

Those stupid stages of grieving.

I’ve got to get myself together so I can be of service to others more directly affected.

(Many hugs to my Internet friends. Your emails, calls and Tweets have meant so much today.)