Category Archives: Open Adoption

Julian Lennon Gets this Crucial Piece of Open Adoption

One might think that Julian Lennon would have a heart filled with envy for his half-brother. Sean got the full-time dad, the intact family, paternal love and attention — so many vital relationship elements denied Julian while his father lived.

As with the biblical Esau vs Jacob and Joseph vs his 11 brothers, Julian had reason to see Sean as competition — or worse, the WINNER in the competition, through no fault or merit on either son’s part. After all, John Lennon left Julian and his mother behind, favoring Sean and showering his fatherly love on his younger son.

But somehow, Julian Lennon skipped emotions of murderous envy and stayed steadily on love and conciliation.

Not only that, but in later years, Julian had to resort to buying back his father’s memorabilia (including postcards from John to Julian) which had been auctioned by Yoko Ono.

(Watch from where it’ queued up to at least 6:15 — about a minute).

Later in the same CBS interview, Julian explains why he chooses to not be angry with Yoko Ono in spite of past difficulties over his father’s estate. Continue reading Julian Lennon Gets this Crucial Piece of Open Adoption

Kohl’s Adoption Video Brings Out the Either/Or Brigade

As part of its #AllTogetherNow campaign, Kohl’s features 19 year-old Raymond and his reunion with his birth mom after 17 years apart. Raymond finds he has a sister, born exactly 10 years after he was.

Both Raymond and his birth mother have responded to comments on YouTube.

Pick a side, Raymond.

Currently there are 148 comments. A common theme among many of them originates in the Either/Or mindset of the closed adoption era. Either she is your real mom or the other woman is. Which part of yourself will you embrace, Raymond, and which will you deny?

  • “I hate this add [sic]. The importance he puts on his biological family is a slap in the face of the people who raised him.”

Continue reading Kohl’s Adoption Video Brings Out the Either/Or Brigade

What Do I Do When She Lies to My Face?

open adoption adviceQuestion:  Our son’s birth mom has been telling lies about what happens at visits. She said we didn’t let our our 3 year-old open his Christmas gifts from her. He opened them right in front of her! (He was running around not really focusing on any one present). She also lied and said that we’ve cancelled previous visits and came up with excuses for not seeing her, neither of which are true.

This has become a nightmare. She’s cut us off, which is fine with us because we’re not crazy about having contact with someone who lies to our face. This isn’t what we thought open adoption would be.  — Jessica

Jessica’s initial message led to further email conversations.

Take Out The Adoption Charge

Hi, Jessica. I’m curious. How would you handle a similar situation if this behavior were coming from your sister or mother-in-law? If you think of it this way, you can distill your response to her behavior from the any emotions you may have around your connection with her via adoption (which can be highly-charged).

Continue reading What Do I Do When She Lies to My Face?

Yes, We DO Need Adoption-Competent Hospital Birthing Centers

Hospitals continually strive to improve so many aspects of patient care. What improvements are being made in the way we “do” adoption at the hospital?

Pioneered in Colorado at Parker Adventist Hospital, the Family to Family Support Network is going national in helping families create child-centered open adoptions from the very beginning, through adoption training in hospital labor and delivery wards.
is your hospital adoption competent?
Here is an interview with founder Rebecca Vahle on why she’s made it her mission* that more and more hospitals serve EVERYONE involved in a possible adoption situation more effectively.

Continue reading why this program is necessary for nurses, for adopting parents, for women and men in unplanned pregnancies, for babies, and for hospital administrators and stakeholders — and what you can do to bring it to your local hospital.

* I am so stoked about Family to Family’s mission that I have recently joined its board of directors.

baby born at adoption competent hospital