Summer Reading: New Adoption Books

With about half the summer left, I offer you a harvest of new adoption books that have recently become available. Here are some that have come into my mailbox or across my radar.

new adoption books 2015

New Adoption Books 2015

hole in my heart by lorraine duskyHole in My Heart by Lorraine Dusky
For: adults

Lorraine, known to many as one of the driving forces behind [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum, placed her daughter in the 1960s. This is Lorraine’s long-awaited sequel to her earlier work,  Birthmark.  I’ve just begun reading and I’m hooked.

Jazzy's Quest by Carrie GoldmanJazzy’s Quest by Carrie Goldman and Juliet C Bond
For: children — early chapter readers

Likely you’ve run across Carrie at her highly esteemed column, Portrait of An Adoption. She noticed a dearth of adoption books for early chapter readers, and decided to fill it with this, the first in a series. Read my review.

20 Life-Transforming Choices Adotees Must Make20 Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make, 2nd edition by Sherrie Eldridge
For: adoptees, late teens and up, and people who want to better understand support them

One of the very first adoption books I (and so many other new adoptive parents) read when I first became a mom was Sherrie’s 20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. I’m excited to make this book — for the adopted person — available to my kids as they approach these choice-points. I have a signed copy to give away (see below).*

The Adoptee Survival Guide: Adoptees Share Their Wisdom and Tools, edited by Lynn Grubb
For: adult adoptees and people who want to better understand and support them

This anthology explores the “complexities of being adopted, embarking on search and reunion, fighting for equal access to identifying information, navigating complex family relationships with the latest technology, and surviving it all with a sense of humor.” I intend to read it. It’s getting great reviews.

Encouragement for the adoption journey devotional by Rachel Garlinghouse and Madeleine MelcherEncouragement for the Adoption and Parenting Journeys: 52 Devotions and a Journal by Rachel Garlinghouse and Madeleine Melcher

A bible-based devotional for adults who are adopting or have adopted, by two adoptive moms (one is also an adoptee).

Dear Carolina by Kristy Woodson HarveyDear Carolina by Kristy Woodson Harvey

Southern fiction. Letters written by both birth mom and adoptive mom to the child they both love. Reviewers seem to like it.  Read my review.

 

* Adoption Book Giveaway

To enter the giveaway for Sherrie Eldridge’s 20 Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make (signed by author!) please leave a comment indicating you’re entering the drawing (not all commenters will be entering, so make sure I know you are, and make sure I can reach you by email). I’ll randomly pick a name next week and get the book on its way to its new owner.

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This post is part of #MicroblogMondays? Whazzat? A post that’s not too long. Head to Stirrup Queens to join the fun.

We Don’t Want an Open Adoption But We Do Want a Baby Fast

I am publishing this brief letter that was recently sent to me not to lambaste the asker, but to help her — and others who may google similar search terms — to see a deeper way of looking at infant adoption.  Respectful comments are welcomed. Comments that shame are not.

Question: After talking it over quite a lot, my husband and I are not open to open adoption. I am concerned because we are almost in our 40s. Do you have any tips on doing a fast adoption regardless of the costs?       ~~ Cyndi (pseudonym)
open adoption advice

Fast Can Too Easily Compromise Ethical

Dear Cyndi:
I don’t have any such resources to offer you. We hear from adoptees that openness (which isn’t the same as contact, and is more about seeing from the adoptee’s perspective than from the adult’s) is crucial to their being able to re-integrate what is split at the moment of relinquishment — their biology and their biography. In other words, the grownups need to confront and resolve their own fears and triggers so the adoptee can deal only with hers and not her parents’.

We also know that fast can too easily compromise ethical in adoptions. Adoptees — including your future child — want to know that they weren’t a commodity to be “gotten” and that the situation was about finding a home for a child and not for finding a child for a home (in the words of Dr Joyce Maguire Pavao).

how to adopt a child fast

The Adoption “Wedding” vs the Adoption  “Marriage”

I have two reading suggestions if you’re open to them. One is The Lost Daughters, which offers voices of adoptees. I implore you to start listening to them as a prelude to parenting one of them. The other is my own post about nudging closed people toward openness.

I get the panic that comes when approaching the end of your 30s. And it’s perfectly normal at this stage of your family-building journey to be concerned mostly with becoming parents as quickly as possible — planning the metaphorical wedding.

But it’s wise also to begin seeing things from the perspective of your future child along the entire parenting journey — the metaphorical marriage. Getting to the altar of parenthood ends one intense journey and begins another enduring one.

See also:

Dear Readers, what say you?

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About this Open Adoption Advice Column

  • I may occasionally call on others to help with answers, to tap into group wisdom.
  • I am not trained as a therapist. Please do not rely on words in this space to make your own major or minor decisions.
  • Readers are encouraged to weigh in thoughtfully and respectfully. I ask everyone to remember that this is a teaching endeavor rather than a shaming endeavor, and that we aim to bring light rather than heat. It’s my belief that people do the best they can with what they have to work with, and our goal is to give folks more to work with.

Send in your own open adoption question. I’ll either offer an answer or find someone who can address your issue.

Open adoption parenting & mindful living