Too Much of a Good Thing

On Tenacity

Two scenarios:

A man feels a burning desire to paint. For 25 years, he studies art, makes art, works menial jobs to pay the bills, and calls himself an artist,a  painter. He never sells a painting. He stays focused on his internal flame, even in the complete absence of any external fanning of it.

Does this dedication, this focus, this single-mindedness make the man a winner or a loser?

Your best friend fancies herself a dancer. She has unwavering dedication to her practice and to her dream of becoming a professional dancer. However it seems clear to you and to others that she has neither the physique nor the talent to achieve her goal.

Would you support her best by encouraging her in this dream or by gently helping her to see other options for herself?

tenacity keep trying?

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Is Adoption Today Really Better than Before?

Question: Everyone says that adoption is different now than it was in previous eras.

Is it really? Is it actually different for adoptees? Even with open adoptions, the adoptee will still have to process all it means to be adopted. Are the adoptive parents really ready and willing to do this alongside their son or daughter?

I see posts from adoptive parents that show they can’t or don’t want to deal with issues of rejection or low self-esteem or the whys of adoption. They don’t say that, of course. Instead I see them congratulate themselves for helping their child stop feeling those feelings, but it seems to me that they’re really stopping the child from expressing those feelings.

The adoptee’s needs cannot be met when adoption is hyped as solely a positive event. Until parents treat it as a neutral fact of how they build their family, and until they deal with their own stuff and acknowledge the complexity of adoption, the adoptee experience is not much changed.

Really. Tell me how adoption is different these days.

TAO

is adoption better today

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That Time I Got Hurt and it Changed Me

My book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption, turns 3 this week. It came out originally in hardcover, followed by a paperback version last year, and, per my publisher, will soon be available as an audiobook. My little creation spread its wings and is still flying.

If I trace it back, my book has its roots in being publicly ridiculed. I explained in a recent interview on MileHighMamas.com, excerpted below.

got hurt
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Open adoption parenting & mindfulness