On the Crime of Being Adopted

News came recently of Adam Crapser, a married father of two who was detained last month and sits in a cell in Tacoma awaiting deportation to Korea , a land he hasn’t seen since he was adopted from there 40 years ago, in 1976. His crime is not his own, and his life in the US can be summarized in four chapters, each its own tragedy:

  • Abused by adoptive family #1, as was his biological sister.
  • Separated from his biological sister when Child Services got involved.
  • Adopted again by a new family, without his sister. Abused and tortured again.
  • Is today facing deportation charges because among all those charged with his care, none ever finalized his naturalization.

Today I offer guest post that reveals injustices around how adoptees are treated in the United States. Adam Pertman, founder of the National Center on Adoption and Permanency, tells of previous cases of adoptee deportation — Adam Crapser’s is not an rarity — along with what you can do to help make things right.
crime of being adopted
Continue reading On the Crime of Being Adopted

I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

Four Words for Inigo Montoya

My husband and I enjoy watching the Sunday news shows together.  We’ve been doing this since early in our marriage when we lived overseas and Meet the Press was one of the few American shows we could get.

Yesterday morning we watched as NJ Governor Chris Christie spoke with George Stephanopolous about issues including the military, social security, law enforcement, immigration, and national security policy: “I’ll continue to have conversations with [Trump] to be able to make all of these things more fulsome.”

Roger wondered if fulsome was the word what he meant to use. We looked it up (yes, we’re those people).

  • What Governor Christie might think it means: wholesome.
  • What Dictionary.com says it means*: offensive, disgusting, excessively lavish. Probably associated with foul.

We came up with three other words that are often misused. Continue reading I Do Not Think That Word Means What You Think It Means

Insignificantly Significant

I’ve always loved going to the planetarium and exploring the galaxy, the universe. I live in a place with light pollution, but it wasn’t always this way. When I was a kid, one of my favorite things to do was to gaze into the vastness of the night sky. I’d feel so small — infinitesimal — and yet so big and important at the same time.

am i significant

Scientists tell us there are billions and billions of stars and planets that go out unimaginably far. I look up and I feel my absolute insignificance. I am but a speck of a speck of a speck of a speck. Continue reading Insignificantly Significant

Trying to Wrap My Head Around This

Question: Lori, I am trying to wrap my head around this. How do we live out Both/And from a foster care adoption perspective? Our kids were taken from their birth parents for good reason. We have all the info, the original birth certificates, case files, all of that. But no contact with birth parents. And we have been advised not to for safety reasons (the caseworker made a point of me seeing one of the parents via a one way mirror so I would know if I ever ran into him to run the other way).

I want to give our kids this wholeness. The best we have been able to do is some contact with a paternal grandmother for one child. And we know the adoptive parents of the other child’s older siblings, but we have no control over contact. So far the other adoptive parents shy away from it because it is so upsetting for their kids. No matter what we do these folks will not be a part of their lives in the every day.

How can we have openness in our situation and not split our babies? —Jenny

openness in foster adoption

Continue reading Trying to Wrap My Head Around This

Open adoption parenting & mindfulness