Tag Archives: Elsewhere

How to Set Boundaries in Open Adoption

Want to know more about how to set healthy boundaries in an open adoption? Haven’t read my book yet but are curious about it? Check out this book excerpt in Carrie Goldman’s Portrait of an Adoption Column on Chicago Now.

Here’s an excerpt of the excerpt Carrie is sharing on Portrait of an Adoption’s Facebook page:

If you find yourself thinking in terms of what you will “grant” birth parents, what you will “give up” to them, then it’s possible that, instead of seeing your relationship as mutually beneficial and having a valid place in your child’s life, you view them as an imposition. At times like this, it would be helpful to ascertain what fears lurk behind those thoughts. Of course, if you have real fears for your family’s safety, then your relationship may end up being somewhat adversarial. But if your fears are your personal demons—like a fear of not being the “real” parent—then the work to be done is is on yourself.

I have two more elsewheres to report this week:

  • Adoptimist quotes this blog in a graphic it has created, which you can see here. This is the second in a series of quotes.
  • AllParenting asks adoptive moms to share their adoption love stories. Read several of them here.

Denver family portraitThe Lavender Luz family a few years back.

That’s my flurry of news. How is your summer going?

Ready or Not, Glasnost is Coming to Adoption

Glasnost means openness. Mikhail Gorbachev saw its inevitability and decided to get in front of the parade. Those who today patrol outdated walls that oppress people would do well to follow Gorbachev’s lead. People like NJ Governor Chris Christie, NY Assemblywoman Helene Weinstein and others who have dedicated themselves to preserving walls built on a foundation of shame are well-advised to study history and consider their own legacies.

The fall of the Berlin wallEven though the Berlin Wall fell suddenly a quarter-century ago, hastening the end of the Cold War, in hindsight we were not all that surprised. Historically we note that of course people eventually throw off shackles. Of course the human spirit cannot be contained forever. The human spirit is hard-wired to reach for light, to yearn for freedom, to crave openness. And settle for no less.

So today, during National Adoption Awareness Month, I make a bold prediction: the walls that still exist in adoption will fall not gradually and softly but in a rush. A shocking, thunderous rush, just like we saw nearly 25 years ago in Europe.

It’s coming — mark my words: openness in adoption will be here within the decade. We’ll wonder how we ever tolerated anything less.

Lori Holden in The Huffington PostThe rest of my article is over on The Huffington Post. Click to keep reading ======>

 

(I’d prefer to have your comments over there, but am leaving them open here in case that works better for you.)

Image: morguefile

Have you heard about re-homing adopted children?

Did you know that you can give your child to a stranger without alerting anyone but a notary public? Did you know that people actually do give away children without notifying anyone but a notary public?

shatteredMegan Twohey of Reuters investigated under-the-radar child trafficking (which is technically not trafficking because no money changes hands) and NBC News shares its findings this week about Yahoo and Facebook groups that help “re-home” adopted children. According to Reuter’s analysis of the Yahoo bulletin board group Adopting-from-Disruption, at least 70 percent of the 261 children mentioned on this board — about a child a week over 5 years — were advertised as foreign-born.

The revelations are heartbreaking…

Lori Holden in The Huffington PostThe rest of my article is over on The Huffington Post.  Click to keep reading ======>

 

(I’d prefer to have your comments over there, but am leaving them open here in case that works better for you.)

Image courtesy of Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net