I have a close family member who was very candid with his thoughts recently.

He was adopted through Catholic Charities in the 1960s. He says he has never wanted to search for his birth parents. He says his “real” parents are the ones who brought him up. He says once his biological mother decided to give him up she should lose all rights to think of him; likewise he doesn’t think of her.

Regarding our open adoptions, he fears that one day as a teenager, Tessa will find it too easy to blame normal teen angst on adoption. Further, with Crystal being so accessible, Tessa will play us against each other and the situation will be even more adversarial than it usually is during teen years.

Reed, he believes, should never think about his birth parents. We are his parents — no ifs, ands or buts. The birth parents might as well have never existed.

He says, “Adoptions are meant to be closed. What you guys are doing is freaky.”