Category Archives: Very Important Posts

VIPs: Very Important Posts from December 2011

Very Important PostsBelow is a collection of posts from the past month that have made me think long after I read them.  You may already be acquainted with these writers; whether you are or not, I encourage you to click over to see if these posts are meaningful to you, too.

It Is What It Is makes a connection in Family Health History Checklist between the trauma her newly-contacted birth mother experienced when she placed decades ago and the trauma that the author experienced in a horrific accident at age 11 (warning: I missed much of my son’s basketball game one night because I made the mistake of opening her posts on my smartphone during a time out and then couldn’t put it down after the game resumed). Great insights on how trauma, whether from an car accident or the loss of a child, can stunt one’s emotional growth, and how therapy can jump start growth again.

And as a testament to the power of her storytelling, I’m spotlighting another post by It Is What It Is, 8 Minutes. It left my heart pounding and my adrenalin pumping. Losing a child — even for a moment or 8 — can turn a world upside down.

Jenn of Insert Bad Movie Title Here tells the importance of Honesty in adoption reunion on the site Lost Daughters. She explains how the reunion with her birth mom has not gone well, largely to them not being able to be honest with each other. This raw post will reinforce for anyone who chooses open adoption that NOT having to navigate reunion is a huge gift we give our children.

In The Knot of the Tree,  Angie of Still Life With Circles abides her grief, three years after the death of her newborn daughter, Lucia. She abides her healing, too: It feels like I can count my grief in rings. The years of famine and grief and withering mark me, gnarled and grey. I looked dead once, but I am green again. And her 4 year-old daughter Beezus has some wise words about her lost sister, too, that will make you want to hug a tree.

Sideshow Barb, who placed her son with adoptive parents 14 years ago, responds to the latest Open Adoption Roundtable post, What did you learn about OA in 2011?  She reveals how she finally feels whole after many years of brokenness, in which she compartmentalized her life around her son’s adoption. Finally, at 38, I discovered that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.  My Jr High math teacher would be proud.  Aristotle, too.  And my therapist. It’s a wonderful state in which to begin her new year.


Be on the lookout for what you consider Very Important Posts during the month of January — I’d love to know your nominations for the next edition of VIPs.


VIPs: Very Important Posts from November 2011

Very Important PostsHere is a collection of posts from the past few weeks that have made me think long after I read them. Click over to see if they are meaningful to you, too.

Heather gets a double nod this month, first with Overlapping Family and also with Why I Do This Part 3. In the first post, Heather notes whom her son counts as kin — and it may surprise you how expansive he is. In the latter post Heather explains why she spends her limited free time creating connections via Open Adoption Bloggers and The Adoption Interview Project, and why not all post-adoption support can or should come from professionals. It contains an excellent analogy about the role of the adoption professional — click over to read.

In considering openness with her son’s birth parents, Geo-Chick reveals a “big family secret” in My Mental Journey to Open Adoption. Further, she says that “the longer we waited and the more comfortable I became with the idea of regular visits and continuity, the more uncomfortable I became with the idea of being chosen by expectant parents who did not want contact.” After becoming mom to Baby X, she envisions in this post her role and tasks as as his mom: “being in an open adoption means that you have to remove yourself from the equation.” An interesting path from her own childhood to the one she wants for her son.

Christine from Welcome to My Brain says, “I witnessed something painful and beautiful this week.” In Making Things Right Christine reports on a conflict in a Facebook group that could have been a train wreck but wasn’t . Because I’ve witnessed and been party to such public conflicts, I liked the ending on this one, and that Christine thought it was notable.

And lastly, in a post about post-infertility parenting, The Allure and Tyranny of the White Picket Fence, JJiraffe ponders “My whole life I feel I craved this life of a suburban home with two kids and a husband. I certainly busted my ass to be here. So why is it so hard sometimes to BE here?”  Good question, and good comments.


Be on the lookout for what you consider Very Important Posts during the month of December — I’d love to know your nominations for the next edition of VIPs.

VIPs: Very Important Posts from October 2011

Very Important PostsOnce in awhile I’ll be listing here some Very Important Posts that are worth sharing. I’ll collect them over time and post when the list hits critical mass.

The inaugural VIP list includes these posts, all with the theme of Adoption, which is appropriate because November is dedicated to adoption awareness.

Adoption Awareness Month: Can We Heal? My new author-crush, Jennifer Lauck, is spending National Adoption Awareness Month offering teleseminars for adoptees, led by various therapists, including Nancy Verrier. The first session is today, so click over soon if this sounds like something you want to know more about. “Adoptees are too often shoved into a corner, most often a place we put ourselves. We are the silent sufferers and we are the adaptors.”

Why Christians Need to Be Aware of How They Speak About Birth Parents. Jenna at The Chronicles of Muchkinland was in an audience of 8000 women when a highly regarded speaker put at least one of her stylish boots in her mouth. Jenna calls her out on speaking disparagingly:  “Please think before you speak on a stage. Your words hurt me, and I wasn’t alone. Your words run the risk of hurting children in the future, one of whom might be yours someday. Think, Lisa. I’m a real, faithful, hurting child of God who made a decision that altered the course of my life. I am not less than you, and neither is any other birth mother or father.”

How We Got Here. With sadness but no bitterness, first mother LisaAnne of Living through Today explains how the adoption she was thought would be open got slammed shut as soon as her daughter’s parents got what they wanted. “You see, while I was pregnant, we talked all the time. Brit’s mom went to every single doctor’s appt with me. We were great friends. We didn’t make a plan, because honestly I never ever dreamed I would need one. I had made a new friend.  She seemed like she was one of my sisters.  We got along great.  There was absolutely nothing that made me think that would ever change.”

Ten Tips for New Moms. Aren’t we all suckers for lists? Harriett from See Theo Run writes 10 things she learned in her first year of being a mom. She had me at Number One: “Your new baby gives you carte blanche to bail on everything and anything. Take advantage! Don’t explain, just don’t show up.  And for goodness sake, let go of your A-type obsession with being on time.”

Falling Away. In this post from Everyone Shut Up But Me, Jeni finds freedom from pain she’s carried that stems from rejection by her original mother. It’s a post of resilience and hope. “i can become whatever and whoever i need and want to be without her.  i can do anything and everything without her.  i truly wanted to do all of it with her, but that wasn’t meant to be.”


Have you signed up yet for the book tour for Found: a Memoir by Jennifer Lauck?