Observations of a Control Freak

Anyone who blogs is probably a control freak. We write to bring order to chaos. To understand the mystifying. To get people to do something, even just to agree or disagree.

As any of the three people who live with me will attest, I fit nicely into the CF category.

Yesterday evening while driving home, I noticed a stunning sunset over the mountains. The clouds had mercifully rolled in, and created a canvas on which the sun painted various shades of pinks, blues, purples, and all hues in between.

This sunset happened without any impetus from me.

So I started thinking about other amazing processes and events that I don’t have to influence. They pretty much happen when I just go about my business. Here they are in all their random glory:

  • My digestion, respiration and other bodily functions happen without a lot of controlling on my part.
  • When I go to a store expecting to buy certain things, 99% of the time they are there.
  • Neighborhood streets are clean and passable.
  • Trees shade my house.
  • Water evaporates, becomes precipitation, hits the earth only to evaporate again.
  • My husband comes home every night.
  • My children keep growing taller and wiser, no matter how I might thwart their efforts.
  • Sunrises and sunsets like this happen all over the world every single day!

Truly, I am part of something much grander than I. I can relax. I don’t have to try so hard.

Now if I can just remember that today. All day. Every moment.

Or is that too controlling?

Expansion…see how you big you are?

OK, OK. As promised, here it is, a meditation based on expansion (rather than contraction) for hopeful adoptive couples.

It is said you must teach what you most need to learn. Here’s one of my lessons.

Sit quietly and collect yourself from wherever your energy is. Work issue? Bring back your energy. A fight with someone? Bring back your energy. A warm fuzzy you keep replaying in your head? Bring back your energy.

Make your mind subservient to your heart by focusing on your breathing. Act as though your breath is the most fascinating thing to watch as it goes into and out of your nostrils, into and out of your lungs, nourishing all the cells of your body and moving out what you don’t need, bringing consciousness (“spirit,” as in “re-spire” and “in-spire”) and renewal to your physical body.

Go into your heart and meditate by watching your breath. After you’ve been there awhile, and once you begin to see the colors/patterns on your eyelids (at least, this is how it is for me), become aware of your connection with the center of the earth — the feminine — and with the top of the sky — the masculine. Tether your being to both, and feel supported by the universe. Know that you embody the connection of both matter (earth) and spirit (heaven). Of both love and of wisdom.

This is a place of abundance. There is no lack. (It’s like that old joke about the Buddhist monk ordering a hot dog who says, “make me one with everything.”)

You are NOT small and limited. You are part of the Divine. Part of the All. Interconnected with all that is. There is nothing that is not you.

Imagine your heart center. As you continue breathing in and out the energies of the earth and sky, and watching how they co-mingle at your heart, picture your heart center growing until it fills the room. Keep breathing and allow your heart to fill your home, your neighborhood, your city and state. Keep filling your heart with more light until your entire region (the Pacific NW, Great Lakes, Rocky Mountains, New England, etc) is surrounded by the light and love in your heart. Go even bigger if you want. This is also a way to manifest peace in the world.

Your huge heart swirling with energy from the earth and the sky now encompasses an expectant mother and father who are or will be considering adoption as their best choice. It encircles the child that will join you. Become aware of the connection you have with them that is, for now, unmanifested. State your intention that this connection be made manifest in the time frame that is best for all concerned. Shower the expectant parents with love from your gigantic heart. Envelope that child with all that unbounded love energy you’re blessed with. Offer your gratitude and your service to them, as well as healing energy.

Hold this space for awhile. Just let them know you are ready. Sit in their presence and breathe. Stay with your breath and in your heart.

After some time, close by offering gratitude to God/the Divine, of which you and the expectant parents and your baby are a part.

Over the next few weeks, spend some time expanding and knowing how big you truly are. Rather than bringing what you want TO you (contraction), you are realizing that you already are all that you seek.

Questions? Comments? Let me know. bestlightlori (at) gmail (dot) com

Getting what you want: contraction vs expansion

Any self-help guru worth the cover price will show you ways to attract what you want, whether that is a better job, a mate, more health, more wealth, or even a child.

This is a very masculine way of attracting. It assumes a contracting universe, since you are taught to draw inward your desired outcome to you.

Yet we live not in a contracting universe, but an ever-expanding universe. Might there be a better way to manifest what we want?

We live in exciting times. We are now in a major shift of a 5000-year cycle from masculine energy (doing) to feminine energy (being). This is about energy characteristics, not gender. And we all have both in varying degrees.

There are no “good/bad” judgments on these terms –- one is not better than the other. Sitting around and “being” (feminine energy) is not superior to ceaseless “doing” (masculine energy). The key is to consciously balance both. Nature does, and encourages this — day balanced with night. Activity balanced with rest. Inhale balanced with exhale. Even life balanced with death (there’s a term for cells that don’t die when they are supposed to: they are called “cancer”). Opposites are dualities that depend on each other for their very existence.

So as we move deeper into the feminine, we can explore a more feminine way of manifesting: expansion. Rather than working in the realm of duality, expansion goes up a level, if you will, to the realm of unity. Contraction assumes what you want is separate from you. Expansion acknowledges that nothing is separate from you –- it is only unmanifested because of limits to your ability to live consciously.

Soon I will share an expansion exercise that can be used by couples waiting to adopt. Check back soon.

(Sending smooches and a big hug to ethEL.)

adoption, parenting, mindfulness, open adoption