Getting what you want: contraction vs expansion

Any self-help guru worth the cover price will show you ways to attract what you want, whether that is a better job, a mate, more health, more wealth, or even a child.

This is a very masculine way of attracting. It assumes a contracting universe, since you are taught to draw inward your desired outcome to you.

Yet we live not in a contracting universe, but an ever-expanding universe. Might there be a better way to manifest what we want?

We live in exciting times. We are now in a major shift of a 5000-year cycle from masculine energy (doing) to feminine energy (being). This is about energy characteristics, not gender. And we all have both in varying degrees.

There are no “good/bad” judgments on these terms –- one is not better than the other. Sitting around and “being” (feminine energy) is not superior to ceaseless “doing” (masculine energy). The key is to consciously balance both. Nature does, and encourages this — day balanced with night. Activity balanced with rest. Inhale balanced with exhale. Even life balanced with death (there’s a term for cells that don’t die when they are supposed to: they are called “cancer”). Opposites are dualities that depend on each other for their very existence.

So as we move deeper into the feminine, we can explore a more feminine way of manifesting: expansion. Rather than working in the realm of duality, expansion goes up a level, if you will, to the realm of unity. Contraction assumes what you want is separate from you. Expansion acknowledges that nothing is separate from you –- it is only unmanifested because of limits to your ability to live consciously.

Soon I will share an expansion exercise that can be used by couples waiting to adopt. Check back soon.

(Sending smooches and a big hug to ethEL.)

TTC songs: My battle of will with God

Was/Is there a song that symbolizes your journey to become a family?

Here’s mine. I was scared to pieces for the TTC procedures, which we were having done while living in a 2nd world country. I listened to this song over and over again while trying to build up my courage to subject my body to all sorts of risks and pain (brave I’m not).

While I wasn’t facing a literal death, it sure felt like I was.

This song is from Jesus Christ Superstar, where Jesus is first angry at God, and then accepting of God’s will. The orchestration is amazing, as is the soul-wrenching voice of Ian Gillan of Deep Purple.

Man. I’ve got a lump in my throat.

Birth Fathers…Are You Out There?

Our children have access to their birth mothers. We feel it’s what is best for them. And besides, we like Crystal and Michele. A lot.

The reasons we welcome Crystal and Michele in our lives:

  • to alleviate the theorized Primal Wound of adoption
  • to have access to medical information
  • so that our children will never have to wonder
  • so that our children will never have to search
  • so that our children will never have to begin a relationship with someone who is both a stranger and yet intimately necessary to their lives.

All these reasons also stand for birth fathers, yet we have no contact with either.

where are birth fathers?

Tessa’s birth father is, according to Crystal, a wild card. He can be incredibly sweet and sensitive, or extremely manipulative and angry. Through the agency, we have invited him to introduce himself to us through letters, which could progress to telephone calls and maybe even visits, as his personality and intentions become clear. We have yet to get a response.

Reed’s birth father is just absent. Michele let us know about two years ago that he wanted our email address, and we wait to hear from him. He has moved out of state and may not know how to begin a relationship with us.

Even though the idea of a birth father is much more abstract than a birth mother, our children have begun to ask about the two male names we include in our nightly prayers. I ask that we soon have either faces to go with the names, or the guidance to answer the questions.

(Update)

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Lori Holden's book coverLori Holden, mom of a teen son and a teen daughter, blogs from Denver. Her book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole, is available through your favorite online bookseller and makes a thoughtful anytime gift for the adoptive families in your life.

adoption, parenting, mindfulness, open adoption