They May Come With the Territory
One of the myths of adoption is the now debunked “blank slate” theory: if you get your baby early enough, they won’t have experienced any trauma. And therefore, you won’t be raising a child with a trauma history, and you won’t be dealing with big, baffling behaviors.
But now we know better. We know that stress during a pregnancy affects not only the mom, but also the baby. We know that relinquishment itself causes the trauma of separation. What effect does such stress and trauma have on a developing nervous system? Often, the result is a range of big, baffling behaviors for which most of the tools in our parenting toolbox are wholly inadequate.
Oh, dear readers and listeners. If I’d had the body of work from Robyn Gobbel as a resource when I was in the throes of parenting, what a difference it would have made. Instead of trying to control someone else’s behavior—my child’s, their birth parent’s, my own, even—I would have had a completely different outlook on getting compliance and on connection and regulation.
I have listened to every episode of Robyn’s for the past several years, and in incorporating a new way of understanding neuroscience and relationships (which she makes super accessible), I am experiencing a new sense of comfort in my relationships with everyone: my young adult children, my husband, my family members and friends, and especially myself.
You probably already know of Robyn’s work—but if you don’t, prepare to be blown wide open…in the best way.
About Robyn Gobbel
Robyn Gobbel, MSW, loves coffee, P!NK, and everything about the brain. Recently her teenager went ballistic on her for getting ANOTHER (glitter!) coffee mug in the mail. Robyn loves cultivating deep, resonant connections with anyone who is up for it, and is especially fond of all the grown-ups in the world who love and care for kids who are impacted by trauma-– helpers, healers, educators, and parents. Her favorite thing ever (besides glittery coffee mugs) is teaching anyone who will listen, to harness the power of neuroscience. What would change in the world if we could all do that? To see, be with, feel, and deeply know each other…and ourselves. Robyn thinks everything could change.
You can get your hands on all sorts of free resources at RobynGobbel.com, including her podcast, The Baffling Behavior Show.
Robyn is the author of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies
that Really Work (2023).
Ep 507 with Robyn Gobbel
In ep 507, Robyn shares a model that helps parent understand Connection Mode and Protection Mode, and how to stay in our owl brain while dealing with a watchdog or possum brain.
She tells us about the prime needs children have of connection, co-regulation, and felt-safety, and how we can summon and manifest those in moments of dysregulation.
All this and more in ep 507 about dealing with big baffling behaviors. If you deal with children or other humans on the regular, you will find this episode supremely helpful.
Show Notes for ep 507 with Robyn Gobbel
- Host: The Baffling Behavior Show podcast
- Creator: Being With (an immersion course for parenting professionals)
- Creator: The Club (a virtual community for parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors)
- Author: Raising Kids with Big Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work
- Ep 207: Jen Winkelmann on what an adoption-competent therapist thinks you should know (mentioned)
- Episode 507 transcript
How to Tune In Regularly
You can find Adoption: The Long View on Adopting.com and on these other platforms.
- Spotify
- Apple Podcasts
- Amazon Podcasts
- Castbox
- Search for “Adoption Long View” on your preferred podcast platform.
A new episode comes out the first Friday of the month. Thank you for sharing, subscribing, and rating this episode wherever you listen!
