Letter Writer: My name is Jeannine and I have just begun the journey to adopt. My husband and I have just submitted our application and will tell our families of our plans within the next month (we have a big family wedding coming up and we don’t want to upstage the bride).
We are beyond excited to adopt. This was a first choice for us. We have always known that we wanted to adopt a child, and have not even attempted having any biological children. We may some day, but right now that is not our intent.
My concern is my parents. I am incredibly close with them. While my mom has expressed that she would be happy with an adopted grandchild, she will then make comments about how I will have an easy time conceiving a child, because she did. I have assured her that I will be getting pregnant and giving her a grandchild that will look like us and share our genes.
Letter Writer: My 10-year old son Sam was adopted through foster care due to abuse which caused bodily harm. He is struggling with rejection and I’m struggling to help him.
He spent 7 years in foster care, 4 ½ of those years in my home. We finalized things almost a year ago. There had been visitations all along with his bio dad. At termination we decided for open adoption, meaning dad can see him at our house anytime as long as he calls ahead.
That lasted for 3 months, when dad stopped calling. We (his therapist and I) tried to not let Sam contact dad but he got so desperate that he tried running to dad’s house. That wasn’t a safe situation so now he is able to call dad when he feels the need.
But dad is not returning phone calls or heartfelt voice messages. Sam is struggling so bad to understand the rejection. He’s angry, he’s depressed, he’s sad, he’s confused and his heart is broken. His dad has had 4 additional children with his new wife (who I think is much of the problem) since Sam was removed from his home. Sam worries about his siblings who he has gotten to know through visitation.
Question: We adopted our daughter 8 years ago. We have an open relationship with her birth mom, Jane, and visit a couple of times a year. Birth dad is out of the picture.
Jane got married a couple of years ago to a great guy, and their life is very settled. Joe loves kids, including our daughter, and we knew it was only a matter of time before they wanted to start a family.
Jane just told us she is pregnant, due in the fall. We are meeting up with her next month for a semi annual visit. We are all so excited!
Our daughter has, in the past, desperately wanted a sibling, and we’ve talked about that in the hypothetical. About how she would have a relationship with any other children her birth mom may have much like she has with her cousins who live across the country — they love each other dearly, they just don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like.