Adopting Parent to Adoptive Parent: How To Successfully Make the Leap

If you haven’t adopted yet, it’s hard to know the benefits of open adoption and what it’s like to have this relationship with your child’s birth family. The value in that is just huge.

Tim Elder, Adoptive Dad of 3 and founder of InfantAdoptionGuide.com —

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The journey of adopting a baby can be so uncertain and feel so all-consuming that at times you can’t even see past it. It’s hard to look to what comes next when you don’t even know that there will be a next.

Yet adopting parents must not be short-sighted.

In Episode 203 of Adoption: The Long View, I talk with Tim Elder, founder of the Infant Adoption Guide, about the convergence of the part of the journey he focuses on — adopting — and the part of the journey I focus on — adoptive parenting. What does it take to make a smooth transition from hoping to be a parent to actually being a parent?

Tim Elder on Surprises, Imbalances, Dishonesty, and More

Listen in as we talk about:

  • What surprised Tim about the “adoptive” part of adoptive parenting;
  • What to do when one child has more contact with their birth parents than another child does with theirs;
  • Dishonesty in the adoption process — scammers one one side, and bait-and-switchers on the other;
  • Tim’s best advice for adopting well and for adoptive-parenting well.
Continue reading Adopting Parent to Adoptive Parent: How To Successfully Make the Leap

Hate to Break it to You: As of Now There’s No Such Thing as Closed Adoption

Actually, I love breaking that to you. Truth and transparency will always be better in the long run than shame and secrecy. How could it be otherwise? How could we be more afraid of the truth than of lies?

At least truth is… you know… true.

Earlier this week The Adopted Ones (TAO) highlighted an article about adoptees who use DNA testing to scratch the itch of wanting to know their ancestry — like so many people do. Genealogy has been called America’s fastest growing hobby.

TAO is reacting to an article about how DNA testing is changing the world of adoption, which she found on an adoption agency site. She chose not to link to it, and neither will I. This agency isn’t unique and it isn’t the problem. It’s just indicative of the problem, so pitchforks won’t help. But perhaps you can get the gist from these screenshots.

Continue reading Hate to Break it to You: As of Now There’s No Such Thing as Closed Adoption

How to Be the Adoptive Parent Your Child Needs You to Be

Adoptive parents don’t always realize that raising an adoptee comes with this extra layer of emotional work that you’re going to have to do.

Katie Biron, STAR Adoptive Parent group facilitator —

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Adoptive parent support professionals Katie Biron and Kara Andersen are my guests on this new episode of Adoption: The Long View. Both are absolutely amazing in their abilities to coach adoptive parents with wisdom and compassion.

What Adoptees Really Need From Their Parents

I worked closely with Katie and Kara, along with Angela Tucker (Ep 105) to create a new tool — a short animated video — that helps adoptive parents understand what adoptees really need from their parents.

The four of us recently unveiled our video courtesy Amara, a Seattle-based nonprofit that focuses on the needs of children within families formed through adoption.

Listen in as we:

Continue reading How to Be the Adoptive Parent Your Child Needs You to Be

adoption, parenting, mindfulness, open adoption