Birth Mom Candace Cahill on Double Loss, Connection, and Healing

July 5, 2021 Lori Holden Leave a comment

For every person we met at Michael’s funeral, my son’s father David always introduced me as Michael’s mom. It was really the first time I felt like I was his mom.

And it’s bittersweet because it was also too late.

— Candace Cahill, birth mom, in Ep 204 of Adoption: The Long View —

↑ Listen right here! ↑

Candace Cahill placed her infant son in 1990. The adoption was semi-open adoption for awhile, but closed when Michael was 8. Shortly after he turned 18, he reached out to her. After navigating the complexities of reunion for 5 years and only a single face-to-face meeting, Michael died in his sleep of natural causes at age 23.

Shocked and devastated to lose him a second time, Candace attended the funeral, where she encountered unexpected compassion from Michael’s family. They proudly introduced her as Michael’s birth mother, which contradicted years of self-sabotaging internal messages. Their acceptance, along with her husband’s encouragement, launched Candace on her path to healing.

Candace is an artist –- silversmith, musician, storyteller, and writer who lives in Denali, Alaska.

Episode 204 of Adoption: The Long View will help you understand mothering in surprising ways, and you won’t want to miss it.

Continue reading →

Death & dying

The Murder & The Funeral

July 1, 2021 Lori Holden 3 Comments

The murder happened first (duh), but I’ll start with the funeral.

The Funeral

Thousands of people attended the memorial services for Officer Gordon Beesley, who had been the School Resource Officer at my children’s middle school. I’m tempted to say 5,000, but my estimation could be off by a little or a lot in either direction. At least half of the attendees in the megachurch were men and women in uniform. The rest were friends of the Beesley family and members of the school community.

The service lasted more than 2 hours and was brilliantly done. It reversed what I’d been doing all week — thinking of Officer Beesley’s death — and took it back to where our attention belonged, on his life.

Continue reading →

Death & dying

In Honor of Fallen Police Officer Gordon Beesley

June 24, 2021 Lori Holden 13 Comments

Middle school years are rough. They were rough when I was young, and they’re even rougher now with all the modern ways tweenagers can take out their angst on each other.

Enter School Resource Officer Gordon Beesley

Every middle schooler should have an Officer Beesley assigned to them. My kids did. Many of their friends did, too.

Like Mikah in this video, who was at the same school at the same time as my own children. This is a remarkable story of an exemplary School Resource Officer, of an amazing human being 🠗🠗.

So typical Officer Beesley.

My family needed Officer Beesley on occasion. There were days when going to school seemed insurmountable. There were days when high emotions made thinking and behaving well impossible.

Continue reading →

adoption, parenting, mindfulness, open adoption