My yoga teacher, Jane, harps and harps on gratitude. Got something good going on? Show gratitude! Got something bad going on? Show gratitude! And she’s always trying to open our hips because “open hips = happy heart.” And a happy heart is a grateful one.
One day, after a very stretchy sequence to eke open our hips more! more! more!, Jane closed our practice with this quote during savasana:
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow. — Melody Beattie
I practically wept on the mat.
My journey thus far flashed before my eyes. My empty arms and longing heart gave way to my fantastically full home — basketballs, extra laundry, teddy bears and the two children who leave those things all over. My very dark days where I nearly lost the will to live were juxtaposed with the brilliant light I found in the infertility blogging community. My sickly, failure of a body has evolved into something I love, both in the way it looks and all it can do. Even the recent chaos presented to me is balanced by the calm stillness I find when I draw in my attention solely to the space on my mat.
In my mind’s eye were a thousand tao symbols, each one symbolizing duality joining into unity.
Day + night = a day.
Good + evil = a human.
Broken + forgiveness = wholeness.
Infertile + superfertile = open adoption.
Self-loathing + self love = me.
It was bliss. And I was grateful, for every single thread in the tapestry that is my life.