With awareness, one could have a perfect moment shackled in a dungeon sitting in one’s own excrement; without it, blessings galore cannot compensate.
I still believe that. Despite winning the parental jackpot, despite being blessed with amazing sisters who make me laugh and give good counsel, despite being healthy and sheltered and sharing a home with a loving husband and 2.2 kids (I can say that now that Dexter is here), despite having a passel of fabulous friends and despite having a relatively cushy life compared to 99% of the humans who have ever existed, recently I have had trouble finding perfect moments. Last month I couldn’t even deliver one, and I’m the goldarned host of this bloghop.
I had more than a little anxiety that my dry spell would not end in time for December’s Perfect Moment Monday. But late in the month I relaxed and began again to notice what I have instead of angsting over my troubles.
I am not a big fan of Christmas, at least not like I was as a child. I no longer share the religious sentiment, and I have come to detest the consumerism the holiday represents. The buildup that now begins at Halloween has made my children practically vibrate with expectations that can’t possibly be met. Their anxiety makes me feel unsettled and cranky.
I had vowed, after our extended family dinner, that our part of the family would not to join the others in attending the 10 pm Christmas Eve service at the church I grew up in. But after my children pleaded plaintively for two more hours with their cousins, I reconsidered.
We took up two pews, my parents and sisters and our children, plus my beloved aunt and uncle. Some details of the church experience remained the same as they were during my childhood: the poinsettias at the altar, the order of the service, the antsy-ness of the children — but this time I was the adult, the shusher rather than the shushee.
Some details were different: the pastor and the cantor are now younger than I am, I didn’t recognize any other congregants beyond our two pews, and the communion bread now looks a lot like pita pockets.
The songs were the familiar Christmas hymns I know by heart, even into the second and third verses. During O Come All Ye Faithful, I looked to my left over the heads of my family members and saw the message:
Peace | Joy | Love | Hope
I felt a perfect moment creeping up on me. The wave began to overtake me, an upwelling of emotion building in my chest and threatening to let flow tears of bliss. I remained in that state until the capper.
Always, the Christmas service’s final hymn, the one we sing as we darken the church and relight it candle by candle, is Silent Night. Mine is a family of singers. Remember this story about my dad? And this video featuring my sisters? My aunt, once a musical theater star, disc jockey and music teacher, has a crystal clear and pitch-perfect voice.
Behind me, around me, within me, our voices — 15 of them — intertwined with each other in exquisite resonance as the shadows gave way to light. I was enveloped by vibrations of love and joy emanating from my family members, three generations of us. Our voices rose in delight for the season, the joy of being together and the awareness that we were making this once-in-a-lifetime memory.
Which explains why it’s in my interest (and yours) to notice perfect moments.
Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between. On the last Monday of each month we engage in mindfulness about something that is right with our world. Everyone is welcome to join. To participate in Perfect Moment Monday:
I thought something was up several weeks ago when my husband, Roger, said to me, “I want you to do something to make you feel good about yourself. Why don’t you make a list of all of your friends?”
So I did and I showed it to him. See? I have friends in the computer and friends not in the computer and friends who exist in both places.
Then my sneaky husband colluded with my sneaky sister, my sneaky mom and a sneaky friend to throw me a sneaky surprise party.
Roger and I had just finished having a romantic dinner downtown and were discussion our after-dinner options. We’d decided on going home to watch a movie on demand. On the way to the car, Roger casually asked if I wanted to step into the dueling piano bar that was straight ahead, just past our car. I shrugged and said, “Sure,”* thinking I’d love to sing a little song, dance a little dance and drink a little drink before we turned in for the night.
When we walked into the door of the venue, I saw a slew of familiar faces. People from my family (Mom and Dad in a bar I was too old for!). My entire Vino Support Group. My local blogging friends, an ALI blogging friend. A friend from a job long past, a yoga friend, a friend from my meditation class. It was like basking in 360 degrees (arc, not heat) of love, accompanied by music from all my decades. All my worlds colliding in such a celebratory way
As you can see, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
Even though this isn’t a perfect moment post (those will go up on December 31 — get yours ready), I had so many perfect moments that night and into the next day as I daydreamed about My Special Night.
I can’t wait ’til the next milestone.
But I will.
* What would have happened if I’d said, “Nah…I’m tired”?