A year ago I published a letter from Charlene that explained her son had found his birth mother and they had all attended his college graduation. The reunion had gone so well that the son had decided to move to another state to live with his birth mom and get to know his biological family.
Charlene was happy for her son, yet also had many other emotions and was feeling confused by their coexistence.
That post resulted in a lively and helpful discussion. Charlene wrote in this week with an update, and she doesn’t mind that I share it with you. We both feel there is value in seeing what happens when a person has no choice but to trust the process (well, I suppose you can fight the process, but in adoption that rarely ends well).
Continue reading Update: the Mom Whose Son Left to Live with Birth Mom
But there are a few problems with that.
First of all, he has no direct experience with open adoption, or even plain old adoption, as far as my sleuthing skills reveal.
Second of all, his advice is terrible.
Though he apparently has a big following, Jim Rosemond is new on my radar. I heard of him only because I got a google alert that in his syndicated column, he’d offered advice to a letter writing couple having difficulty with their teen son and his birth mom. This is what we know about their situation:
- The boy is 14.
- Birth mom has been out of the picture, but has gotten to a good place and wants to reestablish contact with “her” son (it’s unknown whether the quote marks were inserted by the letter writer, John Rosemond, or an editor).
- Contact went from phone calls to daytime visits to overnights to a summer vacation.
- Now, the increasingly moody teen wants to live with his birth mom and eat ice cream all day, figuratively speaking.
Sticky situation, for sure.
Continue reading Parenting Expert John Rosemond Wants to Give You Open Adoption Advice
Question: On social media, I posted a cute photo of my cute son doing a cute thing. My son’s mom commented:
It sucks to only see pix of him here. I wish you’d send me some. Oh, well, at least I get something.
I’m not really sure what to say? We’ve never had an agreement where I text her pics formally. But my relationship with birth mom includes connecting with her on social media so she can look at pix anytime and even screen shot them for herself.
I would love to text her every little moment but I just don’t have time. I understand that she is missing him. But the point of connecting on social media was for her to see him, like everyone else. I get a moment to upload a pic and everyone gets to see it, particularly her.
Continue reading My Son’s Birth Mom Sounds Passive Aggressive. Help?
Letter Writer: I came across your post “He Wants to Live with His Birth Mother. Now what?” — because I’m living it.
I am an adoptive mother of three. My son, now 23 , graduated from college this past May. Throughout his upbringing his father and I would talk about adoption from time to time and always told him (and the other kids, too) if they ever wanted to search for their birth parents we encourage and support and will help in anyway possible.
None of our kids ever took an interest, until earlier this year when my son was in his senior year of college. It seemed from out of nowhere, but all of a sudden he wanted to reach out to his birth mother. I knew her last name and the state she last lived in. With that information, voilà, he found her on Facebook.
My son met with a counselor who specialized in adoption search and reunion and we met with them to navigate the process. My son asked for my help, asked if I could message her through Facebook. At first I was hesitant but after composing what I thought was a thoughtful , acceptable letter, the message was sent.
That was February of 2016. We held our breath. Will she open the message, will she be open to corresponding, will she reject him? What will happen???
Fast forward a few months. We flew her and her entire family to his college town to attend his graduation this spring. They stayed for a week. Four weeks later my son decided to move to another state and live with them.
So this has been a whirlwind. It has been such an array of emotions. I am so grateful his biological family accepted him and immediately loved him and were open and kind and appreciative towards us.
On my bad days I feel like….. what. just. happened.
Continue reading So Many Emotions About My Son’s Adoption Reunion