Letter Writer: My name is Jeannine and I have just begun the journey to adopt. My husband and I have just submitted our application and will tell our families of our plans within the next month (we have a big family wedding coming up and we don’t want to upstage the bride).
We are beyond excited to adopt. This was a first choice for us. We have always known that we wanted to adopt a child, and have not even attempted having any biological children. We may some day, but right now that is not our intent.
My concern is my parents. I am incredibly close with them. While my mom has expressed that she would be happy with an adopted grandchild, she will then make comments about how I will have an easy time conceiving a child, because she did. I have assured her that I will be getting pregnant and giving her a grandchild that will look like us and share our genes.
Letter Writer: My 10-year old son Sam was adopted through foster care due to abuse which caused bodily harm. He is struggling with rejection and I’m struggling to help him.
He spent 7 years in foster care, 4 ½ of those years in my home. We finalized things almost a year ago. There had been visitations all along with his bio dad. At termination we decided for open adoption, meaning dad can see him at our house anytime as long as he calls ahead.
That lasted for 3 months, when dad stopped calling. We (his therapist and I) tried to not let Sam contact dad but he got so desperate that he tried running to dad’s house. That wasn’t a safe situation so now he is able to call dad when he feels the need.
But dad is not returning phone calls or heartfelt voice messages. Sam is struggling so bad to understand the rejection. He’s angry, he’s depressed, he’s sad, he’s confused and his heart is broken. His dad has had 4 additional children with his new wife (who I think is much of the problem) since Sam was removed from his home. Sam worries about his siblings who he has gotten to know through visitation.
Letter Writer: We have multiple kids, all of whom have open adoptions. One of the open adoptions has gone awry. It was never good, but it’s gone from OK to terrible.
While we’ve kept all of the promises we made and agreed on, the birth parents have made astonishing demands, including financial and contact, that weren’t part of our agreement. As a result, they have harassed and stalked us by snail mail, online, by phone, even by using other people to do their bidding.
We’ve tried everything we can think of to help the relationship, including involving the social worker, keeping communication open, and compromising. But it hasn’t been enough. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when the birth parents threatened to come to our home to speak some really inappropriate things to our child, an infant at the time. We were then at our breaking point.
Their continued inappropriate actions were detrimental to our family. We needed a reset and asked for no contact for a period of time, but they broke that boundary as well.
We aren’t hopeful. Trust has been broken so many times, in so many ways. We never thought we’d be in this situation, the one where birth family truly is not safe. We are beyond heartbroken, especially for our son.