My book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption, turns 3 this week. It came out originally in hardcover, followed by a paperback version last year, and, per my publisher, will soon be available as an audiobook. My little creation spread its wings and is still flying.
If I trace it back, my book has its roots in being publicly ridiculed. I explained in a recent interview on MileHighMamas.com, excerpted below.
Question: Lori, I am trying to wrap my head around this. How do we live out Both/And from a foster care adoption perspective? Our kids were taken from their birth parents for good reason. We have all the info, the original birth certificates, case files, all of that. But no contact with birth parents. And we have been advised not to for safety reasons (the caseworker made a point of me seeing one of the parents via a one way mirror so I would know if I ever ran into him to run the other way).
I want to give our kids this wholeness. The best we have been able to do is some contact with a paternal grandmother for one child. And we know the adoptive parents of the other child’s older siblings, but we have no control over contact. So far the other adoptive parents shy away from it because it is so upsetting for their kids. No matter what we do these folks will not be a part of their lives in the every day.
How can we have openness in our situation and not split our babies? —Jenny
Continue reading Trying to Wrap My Head Around This
Consistency in Sports and Politics
It’s not easy for a human to be completely consistent in their views. I wonder if we all have a hint of hypocrisy in us, no matter how much we try to arrange our beliefs into a cohesive schema.
We notice this in sports when we are hyper-vigilant and hyper-verbal about referee calls against our team, but we accept without question calls against the other team.
We notice this during election time, when we excuse behavior of the candidate from our party even though we excoriated the person from the OTHER side for doing something similar just a few years ago. Which we my have conveniently forgotten.
We find ways to justify.
(UPDATE: Witness your position on the recent Supreme Court vacancy. Would your stance on what the President/Senate should do remain consistent if the tables were turned?)
I got to thinking about consistency in the realm of reproduction. Let’s take, say, abortion (nothing like a little light banter to start a post!). Continue reading How Consistent Are Your Views?
Nobody Told Us
Have you heard this from a birth parent?
- No one told me it would hurt this much for this long.
- No one told me how much I would see myself in my child.
- No one told me how my feelings would fluctuate over time.
- They told me about open adoption, but no one told me how hard it would be to navigate these relationships and feelings.
Or this from an adoptive parent?
- Wasn’t it supposed to be easy if we adopted at birth? No one told us there could still be issues of loss and grief.
- No one told me how much I would want my child to have his/her whole story.
- No one told me parenting by adoption would be different from parenting by biology. In fact, we were told the opposite, that it was exactly the same.
- No one told me I would be open to so many people loving this child.
Continue reading #NotInTheBrochure: A Plan to Make Adoption World Better