Category Archives: Adoptive parenting

Whose Story Is It?

Question: I am adoptive mom of two adorable kids  and I attend a monthly support group for mothers like me in my country.

We have been discussing the importance of telling the child they are adopted. Not everyone thinks it needs to be told, since in our culture (which is fairly homogeneous) you can’t always tell someone is adopted just by looking. Continue reading Whose Story Is It?



Julian Lennon Gets this Crucial Piece of Open Adoption

One might think that Julian Lennon would have a heart filled with envy for his half-brother. Sean got the full-time dad, the intact family, paternal love and attention — so many vital relationship elements denied Julian while his father lived.

As with the biblical Esau vs Jacob and Joseph vs his 11 brothers, Julian had reason to see Sean as competition — or worse, the WINNER in the competition, through no fault or merit on either son’s part. After all, John Lennon left Julian and his mother behind, favoring Sean and showering his fatherly love on his younger son.

But somehow, Julian Lennon skipped emotions of murderous envy and stayed steadily on love and conciliation.

Not only that, but in later years, Julian had to resort to buying back his father’s memorabilia (including postcards from John to Julian) which had been auctioned by Yoko Ono.

(Watch from where it’ queued up to at least 6:15 — about a minute).

Later in the same CBS interview, Julian explains why he chooses to not be angry with Yoko Ono in spite of past difficulties over his father’s estate. Continue reading Julian Lennon Gets this Crucial Piece of Open Adoption

It’s Dawning on Folks that Adoption Isn’t a One-Time Event

I’m seeing a pattern, connecting dots.

adoption isn't a one-time event

I was at the library the other day and noticed that our adoption agency had fliers on the table. I picked one up.

Inside are questions: Are you worried about attachment? Does your child ask “why was I given up”?  Is your child experiencing anger, depression, mood swings, isolation? Continue reading It’s Dawning on Folks that Adoption Isn’t a One-Time Event

What Do I Do When She Lies to My Face?

open adoption adviceQuestion:  Our son’s birth mom has been telling lies about what happens at visits. She said we didn’t let our our 3 year-old open his Christmas gifts from her. He opened them right in front of her! (He was running around not really focusing on any one present). She also lied and said that we’ve cancelled previous visits and came up with excuses for not seeing her, neither of which are true.

This has become a nightmare. She’s cut us off, which is fine with us because we’re not crazy about having contact with someone who lies to our face. This isn’t what we thought open adoption would be.  — Jessica

Jessica’s initial message led to further email conversations.

Take Out The Adoption Charge

Hi, Jessica. I’m curious. How would you handle a similar situation if this behavior were coming from your sister or mother-in-law? If you think of it this way, you can distill your response to her behavior from the any emotions you may have around your connection with her via adoption (which can be highly-charged).

Continue reading What Do I Do When She Lies to My Face?