Category Archives: Open Adoption

How I Opened to Open Adoption: a #LivingFearless Post

I’ve been invited to participate in the #LivingFearless campaign, sponsored by Protection1.  What have you done that required a #LivingFearless spirit?

Mine lies in the way I became a mom…

Everything I Knew Was Wrong

Many years ago after we’d run the gauntlet of infertility diagnoses and treatments, we set out on a new and daunting journey, that of adoption. We thought that meant waiting in a long line until our number came up, when an agency would call us with news that we’d gotten to the top of the list and our baby was available. We’d live happily ever after, never to think about adoption again.

Turns out all that was wrong. There would be no line, no list, no adoption-be-gone. Instead, there would be an expectant mother considering adoption (and possibly father), and our fate would be in HER hands. Further, she/they might want to be involved in our lives now and forevermore.

The thought of that scared me so much I had half a mind to return to my reproductive endocrinologist and endure more pointless invasive procedures.

I had to calm myself down. I had to examine my fears. I had to open myself to the scary unknown.

livefearless

Continue reading How I Opened to Open Adoption: a #LivingFearless Post

My Son’s Birth Mom Sounds Passive Aggressive. Help?

Question: On social media, I posted a cute photo of my cute son doing a cute thing. My son’s mom commented:

It sucks to only see pix of him here. I wish you’d send me some. Oh, well, at least I get something.

I’m not really sure what to say? We’ve never had an agreement where I text her pics formally. But my relationship with birth mom includes connecting with her on social media so she can look at pix anytime and even screen shot them for herself.

I would love to text her every little moment but I just don’t have time. I understand that she is missing him. But the point of connecting on social media was for her to see him, like everyone else. I get a moment to upload a pic and everyone gets to see it, particularly her.

— Jacquie

relationship with birth mom

Continue reading My Son’s Birth Mom Sounds Passive Aggressive. Help?

So Many Emotions About My Son’s Adoption Reunion

Letter Writer: I  came across your post “He Wants to Live with His Birth Mother. Now what?”  — because I’m living it.

I am an adoptive mother of three.  My son, now 23 , graduated from college this past May.  Throughout his upbringing his father and I would talk about adoption from time to time and always told him (and the other kids, too) if they ever wanted to search for their birth parents we encourage and support and will help in anyway possible.

None of our kids ever took an interest, until earlier this year when my son was in his senior year of college. It seemed from out of nowhere, but all of a sudden he wanted to reach out to his birth mother.  I knew her last name and the state she last lived in. With that information, voilà,  he found her on Facebook.

My son met with a counselor who specialized in adoption search and reunion and we met with them to navigate the process.  My son asked for my help, asked if I could message her  through Facebook.  At first I was hesitant but after composing what I thought was a thoughtful , acceptable letter, the message was sent.

That was February of 2016.  We held our breath. Will she open the message, will she be open to corresponding, will she reject him? What will happen???

Fast forward a few months. We flew her and her entire family to his college town to attend his graduation this spring. They stayed for a week. Four weeks later my son decided to move to another state and live with them.

So this has been a whirlwind. It has been such an array of emotions. I am so grateful his biological family accepted him and immediately loved him and were open and kind and appreciative towards us.

On my bad days I feel like….. what. just. happened.

mixed emotions of adoption reunion

Continue reading So Many Emotions About My Son’s Adoption Reunion