Nobody Told Us
Have you heard this from a birth parent?
- No one told me it would hurt this much for this long.
- No one told me how much I would see myself in my child.
- No one told me how my feelings would fluctuate over time.
- They told me about open adoption, but no one told me how hard it would be to navigate these relationships and feelings.
Or this from an adoptive parent?
Continue reading #NotInTheBrochure: A Plan to Make Adoption World Better
- Wasn’t it supposed to be easy if we adopted at birth? No one told us there could still be issues of loss and grief.
- No one told me how much I would want my child to have his/her whole story.
- No one told me parenting by adoption would be different from parenting by biology. In fact, we were told the opposite, that it was exactly the same.
- No one told me I would be open to so many people loving this child.
Tuesday’s Horror was Preceded by Monday Night Football
I went to bed feeling sick the night of September 10, 2001. My sports hero was Ed McCaffrey, #87 and Denver Broncos wide-receiver, general nice guy and spectacular athlete. During that night’s Monday Night Football game against the NY Giants (boo!) Eddie Mac had suffered a broken leg. “In sustaining the injury, he made a spectacular catch and did not fumble the ball.”
I had trouble sleeping that night, reviewing in my mind over and over again the play that made my own leg hurt, made me ache for Mr McCaffrey, as well as his wife and children who surely saw it happen. I must have finally gotten to sleep because I then slept through my alarm and was late to work. Still feeling bleargh about poor Eddie Mac, I loaded 5 month-old Tessa into the car to drop her off at my mom’s on my way downtown.
The comedy radio show I listened to was uncharacteristically somber. The DJs were known for doing some wild stunts, but pretending that two planes had hit the twin towers was unthinkable, even for them. Continue reading 9/11, Ed McCaffrey, Stephen Covey & Me
My last post touched on the debate spurred by publicity for Amy Seek’s new memoir, God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birth Mother. I started with a courtroom scene but decided to go this route instead. (You don’t have to have read that book to get this post.)
I see the debate about God and Jetfire as a sort of Rorschach test — people see in it what they bring to it. If you think adoption is a blessing, you think Amy Seek was brave. If you see adoption as abhorrent, you think Amy Seek made an unnatural choice and that she’s paid the consequences through regret over the years.
And if you see adoption as infinitely complex, you notice the nuances in her story, the shades of gray and hues of color, so much deeper and more intricate than simple black and white interpretations. It becomes more difficult to sum up the book — or the experience of open adoption — in just a sound bite or two.
Continue reading Does Open Adoption Work?