For every person we met at Michael’s funeral, my son’s father David always introduced me as Michael’s mom. It was really the first time I felt like I was his mom.

And it’s bittersweet because it was also too late.

— Candace Cahill, birth mom, in Ep 204 of Adoption: The Long View —

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Candace Cahill placed her infant son in 1990. The adoption was semi-open adoption for awhile, but closed when Michael was 8. Shortly after he turned 18, he reached out to her. After navigating the complexities of reunion for 5 years and only a single face-to-face meeting, Michael died in his sleep of natural causes at age 23.

Shocked and devastated to lose him a second time, Candace attended the funeral, where she encountered unexpected compassion from Michael’s family. They proudly introduced her as Michael’s birth mother, which contradicted years of self-sabotaging internal messages. Their acceptance, along with her husband’s encouragement, launched Candace on her path to healing.

Candace is an artist –- silversmith, musician, storyteller, and writer who lives in Denali, Alaska.

Episode 204 of Adoption: The Long View will help you understand mothering in surprising ways, and you won’t want to miss it.

Continue reading Birth Mom Candace Cahill on Double Loss, Connection, and Healing →

If you haven’t adopted yet, it’s hard to know the benefits of open adoption and what it’s like to have this relationship with your child’s birth family. The value in that is just huge.

— Tim Elder, Adoptive Dad of 3 and founder of InfantAdoptionGuide.com —

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The journey of adopting a baby can be so uncertain and feel so all-consuming that at times you can’t even see past it. It’s hard to look to what comes next when you don’t even know that there will be a next.

Yet adopting parents must not be short-sighted.

In Episode 203 of Adoption: The Long View, I talk with Tim Elder, founder of the Infant Adoption Guide, about the convergence of the part of the journey he focuses on — adopting — and the part of the journey I focus on — adoptive parenting. What does it take to make a smooth transition from hoping to be a parent to actually being a parent?

Tim Elder on Surprises, Imbalances, Dishonesty, and More

Listen in as we talk about:

• What surprised Tim about the “adoptive” part of adoptive parenting;
• What to do when one child has more contact with their birth parents than another child does with theirs;
• Dishonesty in the adoption process — scammers one one side, and bait-and-switchers on the other;
• Tim’s best advice for adopting well and for adoptive-parenting well.

Continue reading Adopting Parent to Adoptive Parent: How To Successfully Make the Leap →

Adoptive parents don’t always realize that raising an adoptee comes with this extra layer of emotional work that you’re going to have to do.

— Katie Biron, STAR Adoptive Parent group facilitator —

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Adoptive parent support professionals Katie Biron and Kara Andersen are my guests on this new episode of Adoption: The Long View. Both are absolutely amazing in their abilities to coach adoptive parents with wisdom and compassion.

What Adoptees Really Need From Their Parents

I worked closely with Katie and Kara, along with Angela Tucker (Ep 105) to create a new tool — a short animated video — that helps adoptive parents understand what adoptees really need from their parents.

The four of us recently unveiled our video courtesy Amara, a Seattle-based nonprofit that focuses on the needs of children within families formed through adoption.

Listen in as we:

Continue reading How to Be the Adoptive Parent Your Child Needs You to Be →