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Adoption: The Long View wp502 on allowing the full range of adoptee emotions

Allowing the Full Range of Adoptee Emotions: How Parents Can Help or Hurt


Early in my adoptive parenting days, when my kids were first becoming able to talk about their adoptedness, and continuing through their adolescence, I was on alert for signs that adoption had hurt them. I’d been listening to adult adoptees and I knew that this could happen. But I was determined to detect and neutralize any negative feelings that came up—as much as I could.

Well, that was pretty misguided, for a couple of reasons. One, that I would be able to neutralize any emotion with logic and reason. Emotions, especially those that come from a pre-verbal experience, just don’t work that way. Two, that it would even be advisable to try to thwart half of the spectrum of emotions – the entire half I had labeled as “negative.”

I now know there is value in feeling the full range of emotions. Feeling is a way toward healing, a truth that can go against the inclinations of well-meaning adoptive parents like me.

If you’ve ever wanted to make sure your adoptee doesn’t feel sad or mad about being adopted, if you think being a good parent is to protect your child from feeling “bad” about adoption—or anything else—you’re going to want to hear what adoptees/podcasters Lauren Fishbein and Glenna Boggs have to say.

Adoption: The Long View logo for ep503 on Adoption and the Bible
Adoption: The Long View
503: Adoption & The Bible

About Lauren Fishbein

Lauren Fishbein is an international transracial adoptee, adopted from Temuco, Chile.

Lauren is a gifted psychotherapist and parent coach. With a trauma-informed lens and open-hearted approach, Lauren specializes in working with adoptees and their families.

Lauren is the co-host of the podcast Unearthing Adoption, along with Glenna. On this podcast, while still acknowledging that adoption is a trauma, Lauren and Glenna discuss and share positive perspectives on adoption.

"Kids age 3 or 4 know how to process trauma. In my office, they work it hard through play. I can see their grief so clearly when they have no language for it." Lauren Fishbein, ep 502 of Adoption: The Long View

About Glenna Boggs

Glenna Boggs (she/they) is an international adoptee, musician, and music teacher.

Glenna was adopted from Russia alongside her twin sister when they were nine months old. Glenna began their own journey with their adoption after taking an adoption and communications course in college. Shortly thereafter, she began writing music to help process emotions from her adoption. They are passionate about adoption stories and the positive impact music can have on all people.

"That opened up a lot for me and it was harmful. I was angry for a long time and tucked those feelings away." Glenna Boggs in ep 502 of Adoption: The Long View on adoptee emotions

Ep 502 on Allowing a Full Range of Adoptee Emotions

In ep502, Lauren and Glenna reveal  the importance of feeling the full spectrum of adoptee emotions. They talk about how the desire of adoptive parents to prevent their child from hurting can actually stunt and hurt them. Lauren shares some of the common a-has that take place for the adoptive parent she works with, and Glenna affirms how music can help adoptees—and their parents—tap into their full range of emotions.

"How can we allow trauma to be a door of healing? How can we do this for adoptees who have suicide attempt rates comprable to veterans?" Lauren Fishbein in ep502 of Adoption: The Long View
"It matters how adoptive parents deal with emotions themselves. Many deal with emotions differently than how I've learned to." Glenna Boggs in ep 502 of Adoption: The Long View

Bonus: the outro for this episode is a song composed and performed by Glenna! I know you’ll love it as I do.

Show Notes: Adoptee Emotions with Lauren and Glenna

Lauren Fishbein:

Glenna Boggs:

Unearthing Adoption

Heritage Camps for Adoptive Families

Antifragility article (mentioned)

Episode transcript

How to Tune In Regularly

Lori Holden of Adoption The Long ViewYou can find Adoption: The Long View on and on these other platforms.


A new episode comes out the first Friday of the month. Thank you for sharing, subscribing, and rating this episode wherever you listen!

Lori Holden, mom of a young adult daughter and a young adult son, writes from Denver. She was honored as an Angel in Adoption® by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

Find Lori’s books on her Amazon Author page, and catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.

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