Stream of sadness

Haven’t had a new post in many days. what if i forgot how to write. I am suffering from a lack of suffering and I have nothing to write about. i feel sad today but with no reason.tessa was out of sorts too maybe the long weekend breaks the routine too much and we are unanchored.do NOT want to start christmas shopping. hate the pressure to find exactly the right gift for people. that’s my perfection coming out. i’d rather hibernate for the next several weeks. maybe come out in time for spring. why am i sad? haven’t worked out in about a week. need some endorphins. craving sugar. nothing to write nothing to write the coffee shop table is black and the mouse won’t work on it. this song reminds me of highschool when we did guys & dolls. Luck be a Lady tonight. rolling the dice. what am i betting on? what is chance and what is divine plan and what do i actually control? why am i feeling sad today? i have no right to be sad but i am so what do i do with it. when i’m sad do i have to know why. can i just cover it up with stuff until it fades away. does it need to be analyzed and understood. reading some bloggers makes me sad and i want to help but i don’t always know the right thing to say there’s the perfectionist again. sad sad sad. sleepy. unmotivated hungry. weepy. but not. crying feels so good sometimes but you have to save it up until you have a good reason. what is the point of anything. why do i check sitemeter so much, i mean what does it really matter, what is the point of knowing how long people read and why are so many 0:00 duration. sad sad but it will all be better again. probably soon.

0 thoughts on “Stream of sadness”

  1. Joining you in the stream of sadness. It’s kind of a comfort to realize that maybe it is normal to feel this around this time of year. Maybe it’s the weight of All the Things to Do. Sometimes just the number of obligations feel so heavy, and perhaps that’s my own version of perfectionism.Sometimes it helps me when I’m sad to look at the separate strands that make it up. There’s comfort and beauty in that for me. And some easing, to be able to name the components of feelings. I guess we’re experiencing the things that give us depth to our lives.It’s a temptation to use our sadness to bludgeon ourselves. Accuse ourselves of self-pity and wallowing. Wondering if we’re getting some secret satisfaction from it. Wondering if we’re actively prolonging it. I’ve gone that route many times, and I really think it’s unproductive. The Truth is, we feel sad. Period.Love,Debora

  2. Oh Lori, you are such a good blogger friend — don’t doubt that! I was so touched that you’ve commented so much with me lately. And I often find you have already said what I want to on others’ blogs. And you have such positive outlook on adoption and life, that it often gives me hope that somehow our family will be built in the way that’s best.Hang in there. Today its miserable and cold and rainy, and that so often makes me sad. We love you!

  3. Sorry that you’re feeling generally blue. This time of year has all sorts of hidden triggers. You probably tripped a few unknowingly. Hoping your endorphins kick in and give you the lift you need. (And yes, sometimes I think it’s time to step away from the statistics tools. Like we need another reason to feel inadequate!) It will get better. It always does…like sadness the lightness can come on unexpectantly. Hang in there!

  4. Joining you in the stream of sadness. It’s kind of a comfort to realize that maybe it is normal to feel this around this time of year. Maybe it’s the weight of All the Things to Do. Sometimes just the number of obligations feel so heavy, and perhaps that’s my own version of perfectionism.Sometimes it helps me when I’m sad to look at the separate strands that make it up. There’s comfort and beauty in that for me. And some easing, to be able to name the components of feelings. I guess we’re experiencing the things that give us depth to our lives.It’s a temptation to use our sadness to bludgeon ourselves. Accuse ourselves of self-pity and wallowing. Wondering if we’re getting some secret satisfaction from it. Wondering if we’re actively prolonging it. I’ve gone that route many times, and I really think it’s unproductive. The Truth is, we feel sad. Period.Love,Debora

  5. Oh Lori, you are such a good blogger friend — don’t doubt that! I was so touched that you’ve commented so much with me lately. And I often find you have already said what I want to on others’ blogs. And you have such positive outlook on adoption and life, that it often gives me hope that somehow our family will be built in the way that’s best.Hang in there. Today its miserable and cold and rainy, and that so often makes me sad. We love you!

  6. Sorry that you’re feeling generally blue. This time of year has all sorts of hidden triggers. You probably tripped a few unknowingly. Hoping your endorphins kick in and give you the lift you need. (And yes, sometimes I think it’s time to step away from the statistics tools. Like we need another reason to feel inadequate!) It will get better. It always does…like sadness the lightness can come on unexpectantly. Hang in there!

  7. Hey there Lori -Just popping by to thank you for the kind comment you left on my blog and then saw that you needed a little kindness back. You know those uncomfortable positions in yoga? The kind where they kind of hurt and you have to work certain muscles and surrender others? I sometimes think dealing with any kind of sadness is like sitting in these poses. Some of you has to accept (and wallow) in the uncomfortableness while other parts of you keep you from surrendering “too” much. I hope you feel better soon. Thinking of you and sending some peaceful vibes your way.

  8. I’m sorry that you’re blue, sweetie. One line struck me: “i have no right to be sad but i am” But you do have a right. Sadness is an emotion and you have the right to all of your emotions–regardless of what you do have or what others don’t have. You do have a right to a bad day. Which doesn’t make the sadness go away or any easier to deal with. I find those moods come on without warning and nothing I DO ends it. It goes when it’s ready to go. And I hope yours is ready to go soon. And if it isn’t, you know where to find me if you need a good, long moan.

  9. Hi Lori. I loved that post – for me, that’s the worst kind of sad, when you don’t know why. Like a mournful melancholy.I hope you are feeling better by now. Thank you so much for the kind words on my blog, I truly appreciate it.xo

  10. Niobe — exactly.PJ — you’re right. I worked out this morning and am feeling better (the cookies I’m eating help, too!)Amy — thanks for the Batman post! It may have been the turnaround point in this episode.Debora — I’m glad you pointed out that emotions we’d like to avoid are what brings depth to our lives. I’m sometimes taken aback at how well you “get” whatever I’m going through.Beagle — you have no idea. Well, maybe you do. Do you have perfection tendencies, in your pottery?I am grateful to each of you for your support and understanding.

  11. I’m sorry you’re feeling sad. Perfectionism can really be stiffling, can’t it? I sometimes feel paralyzed by the need to ‘get it right’ . . . Sending you some love . . .

  12. Hey there Lori -Just popping by to thank you for the kind comment you left on my blog and then saw that you needed a little kindness back. You know those uncomfortable positions in yoga? The kind where they kind of hurt and you have to work certain muscles and surrender others? I sometimes think dealing with any kind of sadness is like sitting in these poses. Some of you has to accept (and wallow) in the uncomfortableness while other parts of you keep you from surrendering “too” much. I hope you feel better soon. Thinking of you and sending some peaceful vibes your way.

  13. I’m sorry that you’re blue, sweetie. One line struck me: “i have no right to be sad but i am” But you do have a right. Sadness is an emotion and you have the right to all of your emotions–regardless of what you do have or what others don’t have. You do have a right to a bad day. Which doesn’t make the sadness go away or any easier to deal with. I find those moods come on without warning and nothing I DO ends it. It goes when it’s ready to go. And I hope yours is ready to go soon. And if it isn’t, you know where to find me if you need a good, long moan.

  14. Hi Lori. I loved that post – for me, that’s the worst kind of sad, when you don’t know why. Like a mournful melancholy.I hope you are feeling better by now. Thank you so much for the kind words on my blog, I truly appreciate it.xo

  15. Niobe — exactly.PJ — you’re right. I worked out this morning and am feeling better (the cookies I’m eating help, too!)Amy — thanks for the Batman post! It may have been the turnaround point in this episode.Debora — I’m glad you pointed out that emotions we’d like to avoid are what brings depth to our lives. I’m sometimes taken aback at how well you “get” whatever I’m going through.Beagle — you have no idea. Well, maybe you do. Do you have perfection tendencies, in your pottery?I am grateful to each of you for your support and understanding.

  16. I’m sorry you’re feeling sad. Perfectionism can really be stiffling, can’t it? I sometimes feel paralyzed by the need to ‘get it right’ . . . Sending you some love . . .

  17. Topcat — things are looking up. Hope that’s so for you, too.Mel — I’ll stop in at the Lushary whether this sadness stays or goes.Ms Planner — the yoga analogy and the peaceful vibes are helping a lot. Thanks!

  18. Topcat — things are looking up. Hope that’s so for you, too.Mel — I’ll stop in at the Lushary whether this sadness stays or goes.Ms Planner — the yoga analogy and the peaceful vibes are helping a lot. Thanks!

  19. Lea Bea — I’m loving the cyber hug. Thanks.Tami — BFF. I’m the lucky one. Thanks for always being there for me, from Day 1 (well, actually Day 2100). Yes, I’m a weirdo.

  20. You dork! Why didn’t you call your sister?!I love you, especially when you are sad. You’re always here for me and you’d better know that I am here for you, too. Actually, I’m glad you didn’t call and blogged instead, because your raw honesty has touched your readers, allowing them to explore and celebrate their own emotions — the good and the bad.How did I get lucky enough to have a sister who is also my bff?

  21. Lea Bea — I’m loving the cyber hug. Thanks.Tami — BFF. I’m the lucky one. Thanks for always being there for me, from Day 1 (well, actually Day 2100). Yes, I’m a weirdo.

  22. You dork! Why didn’t you call your sister?!I love you, especially when you are sad. You’re always here for me and you’d better know that I am here for you, too. Actually, I’m glad you didn’t call and blogged instead, because your raw honesty has touched your readers, allowing them to explore and celebrate their own emotions — the good and the bad.How did I get lucky enough to have a sister who is also my bff?

  23. I can’t believe I missed this post earlier. I love the way it is written – it captures that feeling of “the blues but I don’t know why”.It looks like things are looking up. One should never underestimate the power of self-medicating with junk food!

  24. I can’t believe I missed this post earlier. I love the way it is written – it captures that feeling of “the blues but I don’t know why”.It looks like things are looking up. One should never underestimate the power of self-medicating with junk food!

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