A post at Patheos reveals how one mother moved from the letter of an open adoption agreement to the true spirit of open adoption. You can see how the woman’s perspective shifts from her own to her child’s.
Jenni Levy explains in My Daughter Has Two Mothers how Emma brought her birth mom into their lives:
We always figured that someday, some far-in-the-future-day, Emma would join the conversation. But here was our kid, our bright, affectionate, talented kid, telling us very clearly that someday needed to be now. We stalled for a long time, until one night she looked up from her pillow and said “Mommy, you keep telling me we’re going to meet Kim, but you never do anything about it.
Click to read what Jenni did about it.
Harriet addresses the Nature/Nuture debate with her post, Nurturing My Child’s Nature.
There is an obvious randomness in adoption whereby a child winds up with a family that wasn’t biologically anticipated. I’ve heard from adoptees who felt they didn’t fit with their family…While I feel strongly that we are a good fit with Theo, these sentiments struck a tiny chord inside me, one that says, pay attention to the signs and signals that my son is offering. Don’t try to mould him in my image.
I have been aware of this raising my children — have I had fewer expectations than I would have if I’d had a biological connection to my children?
I wonder, though, if I were an adopted person, would I find this freeing and liberating? Or might that lack of expectation be bothersome, a void?
Mom Colored Glasses featured an interview featuring two women in one open adoption. Ash (birth mom) and Amber (adoptive mom at Bumber’s Bumblings) speak of their individual fears both before and after placement.
Ash says about her before-placement emotions:
But the reality is that the decision to place your own child, who you love more than anything, in a family besides your own is so unbelievably hard. Once it’s done all I want, and other birthmoms want, is for the plan we have for our child to succeed in being a supportive and loving family unit. Why would we go out of our way and sacrifice so much to ruin it?
Amber shares her post-placement fear:
I was concerned about sending pictures with us in them. I thought it would make you sad. One time, I snuck a picture of Nate & B together in the email. That was the only picture you talked about in your reply. It made you so happy to see them bonding. That’s when I realized that this is really what you wanted for his life and it wouldn’t hurt you to see pictures of us with him.
Click through to read the secret fears that first parents and adoptive parents have at different points of the adoption journey.
Rebecca writes of her emotional evolution as an adoptee in Don’t Be Frightened By My Anger, My Grief, or Even My Love — It Only Means That I’m Awake.
Now I allow myself to feel it all: the whole crazy mixture. I don’t know any other way to be at peace with what happened to me other than to walk through the emotions – all of the emotions.
Listening to adult adoptees talk about being adopted feels like a good way to prepare me to listen to my own children as they evolve.
Finally, from Modern Mommy Magic, I direct you to the Top 10 Reasons why Open Adoption is Better. Prompted by The Today Show clip, Ashley says Open and closed adoption isn’t about what is good for the parents! It’s about what is best for the child… just like all parenting decisions should be.
Be on the lookout for what you consider Very Important Posts during the month of July — I’d love to know your nominations for the next edition of VIPs. Thanks to those who alerted me to some of the posts highlighted here.