Category Archives: Ethics in adoption

Every Diss Begins with This Kay Commercial

adption commercial gone wrongWhile the ad below didn’t appear during the Superbowl and doesn’t have puppets or cute puppies in it, it merits diss-cussion — and is getting it from people in the adoption community.

Epic fail for adoption-themed Kay Jewelers ad.

How many adoption stereotypes ad myths, much general cluelessness can be crammed into one 30-second commercial? Kay Jewelers and Stern Advertising have reached new, uh, heights.

Let’s narrow it down to just two. Two big ones.

Diss #1: “Just adopt — it’s easy!” Show up at the hospital where you’ve placed your order and have your baby delivered to you, a gorgeous little bundle of certainty! Celebrate your shiny life with shiny things! Because of course after completing your adoption application and homestudy, and after taking on the lifelong responsibility of parenting, you still have money to burn!

Diss #2: “Adoption is shiny! — it’s all gain and no loss!” Pay no attention to the trail of devastation left by fertility treatments and the arduous path of an adoption homestudy. Look away from the loss that’s just beginning for the woman back there somewhere who just gave birth, her family, the birth father and his family, who are facing immeasurable loss. Let’s forever ignore the possibility that the baby herself is experiencing a confusing twist of fate, that everything she’s sensed since her brain began developing has just changed, and that the people taking her home mark her experience with their bling.

But don’t take just my word for it. On Stirrup Queen’s post, on my Facebook Page and on iSpot.tv, you can read how this ad strikes others. Some gems:

  • “Kay Jewelers, do you plan to design a smashed heart for the mothers who lost their babies ? This ad is extremely insensitive to all parties involved in an adoption.”
  • “Having relinquished a baby for adoption over 30 years ago, this made me so unbelievably sad. This company did not take into account the feelings of all parties involved.”
  • “I guess they conveniently forgot about the heart break and tragedy of the family losing the child. Yes, money buys both diamonds and babies. This was tasteless.”
  • “Meanwhile, in the other room, a woman is overcome with the grief and sadness that will last the rest of her life. But this one has a shiny new necklace and a shiny new baby.”
  • “If you were trying to materialize and trivialize a very complex process, you succeeded.”
  • “I found this commercial to portray an offensively stereotypical and unrealistic vision of modern adoption….the well-off white married couple sitting in the adoption agency, the healthy white infant, the birth parents comfortably nowhere in sight. This is not the face of adoption today.”
  • “I bet everyone who’s paid for an adoption is dying to fork out more money for jewellery, too.”
  • “Way to undermine the whole [adoption] process Kay and make it look like it really is as easy a drive through.”
  • “Who thought THIS was a good idea? And couldn’t they have shown this to persons affected by adoption prior to green lighting it?”
  • “As an adoptee and therapist who specializes in working with the adoption and foster care community, I’m baffled how society continues to perpetuate such an archaic portrayal of adoption.”

And this…

“I’d love to meet the marketing geniuses who came up with this one.”

If you’re going to create an ad around adoption, you’d be well-advised to understand adoption from the viewpoints of those who live it. Otherwise?

— “I will never shop at Kay Jewelers again.”

Image courtesy digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ready or Not, Glasnost is Coming to Adoption

Glasnost means openness. Mikhail Gorbachev saw its inevitability and decided to get in front of the parade. Those who today patrol outdated walls that oppress people would do well to follow Gorbachev’s lead. People like NJ Governor Chris Christie, NY Assemblywoman Helene Weinstein and others who have dedicated themselves to preserving walls built on a foundation of shame are well-advised to study history and consider their own legacies.

The fall of the Berlin wallEven though the Berlin Wall fell suddenly a quarter-century ago, hastening the end of the Cold War, in hindsight we were not all that surprised. Historically we note that of course people eventually throw off shackles. Of course the human spirit cannot be contained forever. The human spirit is hard-wired to reach for light, to yearn for freedom, to crave openness. And settle for no less.

So today, during National Adoption Awareness Month, I make a bold prediction: the walls that still exist in adoption will fall not gradually and softly but in a rush. A shocking, thunderous rush, just like we saw nearly 25 years ago in Europe.

It’s coming — mark my words: openness in adoption will be here within the decade. We’ll wonder how we ever tolerated anything less.

Lori Holden in The Huffington PostThe rest of my article is over on The Huffington Post. Click to keep reading ======>

 

(I’d prefer to have your comments over there, but am leaving them open here in case that works better for you.)

Image: morguefile