Tag Archives: film/movie/book

AdoptLit Book Tour Signup: Finding Zoe

You already know this is the place to participate in adoption and infertility-themed virtual book club discussions. But with this latest option — a book released into the world just today — we’re adding in a twist.

Adoption Meets Deaf Community

adoption memoir by brandi rarusYou may think you’ve explored all facets of adoption, but Finding Zoe by Brandi Rarus adds in an additional component that you may not have given much thought. When I took teacher education classes years ago, I chose to write a research paper on deafness as a disability, and was surprised to discover that many deaf people don’t consider deafness a disability. It was helpful to resolve some of my ignorance on the issue.

So with this post I invite you to read Finding Zoe and see if you have any blind spots (so to speak) about either adoption or Deaf Culture that can be filled in with an enlightening memoir.

Appropriately so, actress Marlee Matlin has written the foreword to Finding Zoe. The first part of the book is an engaging primer on deafness, Deaf Culture and various factions and philosophies within it (reminds me of Adoption Culture). Brandi is the perfect person to share this, as a former Miss Deaf America and a bridge between two sometimes-polarized factions in the deaf community.

The latter part is on how daughter Zoe found her way through four other homes before landing with Brandi and her family 8 months after she was born. Zoe, now 10, is the child at the center of a very open adoption. In fact, both her birth parents agreed to be interviewed and the book was released with their permission.

Brandi and her writing partner Gail Harris do an admirable job telling the story from the viewpoints of many of the participants in it. Because of the contentiousness of some of these relationships at some points in time, that was no small feat.

I’m confident you’ll find Finding Zoe — and the upcoming discussion about it — worthwhile.

You are invited to participate in this Virtual Book Tour.

It’s easy and it’s fun.

  1. Sign up today.
  2. Get and read the book.
  3. Be ready to discuss it in December (well before the holidays) with other readers.

Note: You don’t need to have a blog to participate. You can write your post in a space created specifically for blogless readers. Everyone is invited to participate.

The book is available via Amazon in hard cover ($16.72), Kindle ($10), direct from BenBella books ($15.40) and at various other booksellers. I’ll provide the forum here; you just need to provide your own coffee and danishes (or wine and Cheetos, if you’re so inclined).

Author Participation

Author Brandi Rarus will participate in this book tour by responding to reader questions. So if you think of one to ask her while you’re reading the book, capture that thought.

author of finding zoeHow does a Virtual Book Tour work?

It’s easy!

  • October 31: Last day to sign up for the tour. You’ll find the “Book Tour Signup” form below.
  • Read the book between now and mid-November. Reserve it from your library or purchase from your favorite bookseller.
  • November 14: Come up with up 1 or 2 discussion questions to ask of other participants (not Yes-or-No). A question for the author is optional.
  • Shortly thereafter, you’ll receive a list of questions from other participants. From this list you will choose any 3 to answer on your blog. If you don’t have a blog, one will be provided for you.
  • December 2: Posts go up! Links to participant stops on the book tour will be posted here on LavenderLuz.com so you can read, comment and discuss with each other — just like a face-to-face book club, but with less coffee cake and more keystrokes.
  • Please follow this blog and spread the word to interested parties (tweet, share, G+ with the buttons at the bottom of this post).
  • Did I mention you need to sign up?

Fill out this form ↑ .

The Apart at the Seams Book Tour is Here!

Melissa Ford's third novelSeveral book lovers are sharing our thoughts about Melissa Ford’s third novel, Apart at the Seams. Even if you aren’t part of the tour and even if you haven’t read the book, check out what people are saying — you might find that this book is one you want to put on your wishlist.

NEWSFLASH: Apart at the Seams has been chosen for the Kindle Amazon Daily Deal for TOMORROW, September 5.

Via the links below, you’ll hear from book tourists as we answer questions put to each other in our virtual book club. Next we’ll hear from the author herself as Melissa Ford responds to the questions we posed to her about her characters, her sideways sequel, her writing methods, and other juicy tidbits from behind the scenes.

See the master list at the bottom of this post, following my own contribution to this book tour.

My stop on the Apart at the Seams book tour

Melissa is adept at exploring big themes for women who are trying to have it all. She lets us peek in as her characters sort out competing emotions: Self vs partner. Career vs relationship. Ambition vs presence. Excitement vs stability. Creativity vs contentment. These conundrums appear in my own life and are likely to have near-universal resonance.

As a companion novel to Life from Scratch and Measure of Love, this third book in the series takes a sideways narrative with Rachel’ best friend Arianna (you don’t need to have read the prequels for “Apart at the Seams” to work for you). This single mother and aspiring fashion designer has just taken her relationship with Rachel’s brother, Ethan, to the next level. And Arianna gets an incredible opportunity through her fashion house, one that involves hanging out with a Jon Stewart-esque cast on a late-night TV show.

But! Inevitable cracks appear in her relationship as demands are made on her and priorities shift. How can Arianna be both true to herself AND in relationship with a man who has such differing values?

Melissa examines these knotty problems from all angles. As I read, I see so much of myself in her heroines.

~~~~

 Three questions from the book group and my responses:

Why didn’t Arianna ever loser her temper and go off on people who were annoying her?  She’s the straightforward, no nonsense, Midwestern girl who gets things done.  As a straightforward, no nonsense, Midwestern girl, my expectation would be that someone would get a serious dressing down…especially considering her stress level.  But maybe Minnesotans are more like Canadians than other Midwesterners?

Maybe geography isn’t the main thing that goes into straightforward-no-nonsenseness.

I first had to gain clarity (a very gradual process) within myself before I could express to others my emotions and preferences. In previous stages I have experimented between the extremes of being aggressive to get what I want (my teen years, during which I was an erratic bulldozer with my parents) to being very passive about it all (early romantic relationships, hierarchical work relationships). I’ve modulated that pendulum in recent years and in most situations I can be appropriately assertive.

But it took trial and error — and time. I think time, rather than place, is what kept Arianna from being as straighforward-no-nonsense outside her head as she was inside her head.

It feels as though Arianna would become irritated with Ethan for not doing things she needed him to do yet she often wouldn’t verbalize clearly what it was she wanted or needed. Why do you think asking for exactly what you need makes you feel so vulnerable?

This goes back to having clarity within, with having healthy boundaries around what is and isn’t reasonable to expect from a person and relationship, and being able to articulate those expectations — asking for what you need. These are traits I continue to develop (there is no there there).

When not quite confident of where one person starts and another begins, and when unsure of a code of behavior, Arianna resorts to what so many women do — being the “good girl.” I have been taming my inner Good Girl for decades. She emerges when I feel out of my element. And when she does, I become a consummate people pleaser, taking care of the other’s needs while seething that my own aren’t being addressed.

I think it is very vulnerable to be authentic — to live without a mask, without a barrier between you and the world (or just the other in a relationship). To do so, you are clear within yourself, you set and patrol boundaries that are respectful to you and the other person, and you have courage to ask for what you want. It’s a very vulnerable state — and paradoxically, a sign of incredible inner strength.

Arianna has several major events that are downplayed by Rachel. How would you have reacted if this had happened to you? Would you have made the effort to repair the friendship?

My first inclination with discord is to look within. Was I the one who didn’t share enough? Am I expecting my friend to read my mind? Are my expectations too high regarding the important people in my life? Do I expect that others will supply for me something that I could very well supply for myself?

After my exercise in introspection, I  take a look at the other person. Did she know what I needed in that moment? Should she have known (and how?)?  Did she deliberately slight me? Is there other evidence that this relationships is waning?

I may decide to speak up to my friend, I might say:”Hey, when that big thing happened to me, I feel as if you weren’t really there for me. What was going on for you?” If my friend has repeatedly not been there for me and I’ve tried to address it multiple times, I may simply let the friendship die. If I myself am in a funk, I would tell myself to “snap out of it! — stop being a victim and move on.”

So yes, I would make an effort to repair a friendship by looking within, by talking it out, and by asking for what I want. But if the person is unresponsive to my overtures, I would not belabor my efforts. I would not close the door forever, but I would not continue my efforts on something that’s just not there at a point in time.

To continue to this book tour, please visit the links below. Comments are much appreciated by the book tourists!

  1. Lori of LavenderLuz.com (see above)
  2. Kim Court
  3. Esperanza at Stumbling Gracefully
  4. Anne Bauer of The Sound of Hope
  5. GeoChick
  6. JodiFur
  7. Kathy at BloomingBurghBoomer
  8. Mina
  9. Bronwyn Joy of Journeys of the Fabulist
  10. Tiara
  11. Katherine A of Inconceivable!
  12. Elizabeth of Project Progeny
  13. Judy Miller
  14. Kathy of Bereaved and Blessed
  15. APlusEffort
  16. A

Thanks for following along on our book tour, and be sure to come back for Saturday’s batch of posts!

Sign Up for this Book Tour: Apart at the Seams by Melissa Ford

Melissa Ford's third novelShe had Mr. Right all sewn up . . . until Mr. Wonderful came along.

That’s the teaser line for Melissa Ford’s latest novel, Apart at the Seams. Though it’s the third in a series, Melissa calls it a “sideways sequel.” Which means that if you’ve read Life from Scratch and/or Measure of Love, you’ll be primed for the viewpoint of  Rachel’s best friend, Arianna. And if you HAVEN’T read these other novels, you will enjoy getting to know Arianna for the first time — without missing anything.

I invite you to participate in a Virtual Book Tour.

It’s easy and it’s fun (and it’s how I started blogging).

  1. Sign up today.
  2. Get and read the book.
  3. Discuss it in September with other readers.

The book is available via Amazon in paperback ($13), Kindle ($7) and at various other booksellers. I’ll provide the forum here; you just need to provide your own coffee and danishes (or wine and Cheetos, if you’re so inclined).

The Author, Melissa Ford

Novelist Melissa FordYou may recognize Melissa from her long-running and popular blog Stirrup Queens. Melissa’s first book is the nonfiction Navigating the Land of IF, a guide through the various neighborhoods of infertility. Melissa is section editor for BlogHer for Blogging & Social Media and for Health. She’s a baker, a wife, a Nationals superfan, a mother to twins, and my friend.

As a special treat, Melissa will participate in this book tour by responding to reader questions. So if you think of any while you’re reading the book, capture that thought.

How does a Virtual Book Tour work?

  • August 1: Last day to sign up for the tour. You’ll find the “Book Tour Signup” form below.
  • Read the book between now and mid-August. Reserve it from your library or purchase from your favorite bookseller.
  • August 15: Come up with up 1 or 2 discussion questions to ask of other participants (not Yes-or-No). A question for the author is optional.
  • Shortly thereafter, you’ll receive a list of questions from other participants. From this list you will choose any 3 to answer on your blog. If you don’t have a blog, one will be provided for you.
  • September 4: posts go up! Links to participant stops on the book tour will be posted here on LavenderLuz.com so you can read, comment and discuss with each other — just like a face-to-face book club, but with less coffee cake and more keystrokes.
  • Please follow this blog and spread the word to interested parties (tweet, share, G+ with the buttons at the bottom of this post).

I am rapidly closing in on the end of Apart at the Seams and am eager to discuss it with you. So fill out this form ↑ .