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Here yesterday, gone today

I went to bed last night with one reality and woke up this morning with another. I’m not exactly sure at what moment it changed. Was I sleeping soundly? Was it one of the times I was awake, looking at the clock for an unknown reason? I have this need to know the moment, even though really, it doesn’t matter.

How does one tell young tweens, who are still figuring out their own ways of solving problems, not ever to use the problem-solving method their role model chose? It’s easy to tell them, I suppose, but so hard to make words speak louder than such a decisive deed.

I understand sadness and despair. I do NOT understand myopic self-centeredness that cannot take into account one’s influence and impact on others.

I am feeling such a swirl. Anger, anger, anger, sadness, disbelief, compassion, shock, more anger.

Those stupid stages of grieving.

I’ve got to get myself together so I can be of service to others more directly affected.

(Many hugs to my Internet friends. Your emails, calls and Tweets have meant so much today.)

Lori Holden, mom of a young adult daughter and a young adult son, writes from Denver. She was honored as an Angel in Adoption® by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

Find Lori’s books on her Amazon Author page, and catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.

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23 Responses

  1. Not sure if a Perfect Moment can help.. but here’s a moment from today that made me breathe easier. < HREF="" REL="nofollow">PMProject<>

  2. lori I am sending lots of positive energy and light and strength your way. hope everything is ok. feel free to email or call if you want to chat.

  3. Not sure if a Perfect Moment can help.. but here’s a moment from today that made me breathe easier. < HREF="" REL="nofollow">PMProject<>

  4. so sorry.. whatever it is … sue and I send good vibes your way… shout if we can do more.

  5. Not sure what is going on in your life, but I’m sending you some (((hugs))) ’cause it sounds like you might need them…

  6. Much peace and light to you, Lori, as you sit with your feelings and wait for the way forward to appear. I’ll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. Oh Lori,I saw your tweet — but didn’t want to intrude — but I kept checking on your blog — wishing you peace and the knowledge that you’re surrounded by people whose lives have been made better by your presence.XOPam

  8. Oh Lori, it sounds like your world got rocked and I am so sorry. I’ll keep you in my prayers for peace and strength.Hugs from up yonder!!!

  9. I know I tweeted, twittered, I could use another word with tw and t in there but that just sounded…um wrong. However, just wanted to let you know how loved you are, for whatever it is that you are dealing with.

  10. Hey there my friend. I’m very sorry you are at a difficult juncture of life, whatever that may be.We are here for you.{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

  11. Honey, I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe it’s because it’s 1:35am or maybe it’s because you didn’t really say what’s up. But whatever it is, I’m thinking of you, okay?

  12. Geez, Lori. Sounds like it was something major. Sorry you’re going through this, and my thoughts and positive energy are definitely directed at you.

  13. Isn’t it so strange to think about that divide–between the before and after? And not being cognizant of the exact moment of change?My heart is with you today.

  14. Holding good thoughts and sending prayers for peace & strength.Much love to you my dear. We’re here for you, always.

  15. Like we emailed, you know I’m here if you need anything at all. This situation just plain sucks for everyone involved.

  16. I’m so sorry for your despair. We often don’t realize how connected we are until something like this happens. When you can, let your grief wash over you. Hugs to you and to the others.

  17. It’s 3:47 am.I should be sound asleep. But I’m wide awake and was brought to your blog by… something. Right now in this moment, I’m sending you lots of peace and light, Lori, and I hope you are getting some sleep. I think I’ll go try getting some, too.Take care!

  18. I’m sorry Lori,I’m not sure what exactly has transpired but I hope you and yours come through it okay,much love,J

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