No one ever sat with me and said,
“filling the crib is not going to cure your infertility,
it’s not going to fill the hole in your heart.”
I thought that if I just filled the crib, if I became a mom,
I wouldn’t have any more grief and loss.
And now I often tell others:
If you’re adopting that child to heal your heart,
that’s a pretty dang big job to put on a baby.
— Rebecca Vahle, adoptive mom,
Angel in Adoption®,
hospital-based adoption liaison (the first in the country),
and champion of HR3690 —
Walking with Hundreds & Talking with Thousands
In this new podcast episode of Adoption: The Long View, Rebecca Vahle shares stories of adoption and parenting from multiple — and I mean MULTIPLE — perspectives. She has an uncommon experience both deep and wide, as she’s walked and talked these difficult paths with hundreds of patients and thousands of healthcare professionals. Rebecca is now actively involved in a bipartisan bill, now working its way through Congress. It’s a pro-education bill that can improve adoption in so many ways and for so many affected. She explains how this new bill would bring standardization and a focus on ethics while housing it in the realm of healthcare.
Background: In 2004, my friend Rebecca Vahle, whom I’d originally stalked because of her work in adoption, created the first hospital-based adoption and parenting support program in the nation. The program has since been recognized as defining best practice in handling the complex, emotional and logistical needs present in infant adoptions in the hospital setting.
Then in 2015 Rebecca founded the Family to Family Support Network as a pro-education, non-profit organization. This enabled the program to meet the needs of many communities around the country, rather than only one.
Rebecca is one of my heroes and guides on this journey of exploring the complexities and of improving adoption for women in unplanned pregnancies, for families hoping to adopt, and for the adoptees themselves.
Episode 108: Rebecca Vahle Has Stories to Tell
If you like stories of how to improve adoption — both feel-good ones and cautionary tales — you’ll love this episode. Rebecca has so many to share…
- from her own experiences as an adoptive mom;
- as a witness to many women who made the agonizing decision to parent or to place (as well as from staying in touch with these families over the years);
- from nurses and doctors who have watched such situations unfold;
- and through her talking with guests, including many adoptees, on her radio show.
In this episode, Rebecca shares relevant and poignant stories, as well as her own hard-won wisdom, including:
- Her awkward hospital experiences when adopting each of her three babies, and the lasting impact that had on her (and now on others!).
- On borrowing existing practices for bereavement in the hospital and applying them to women (and men) considering adoption.
- What should the hospital time with an adoption placement look like? What should patient grief look like?
- Stories on how the hospital-based Family to Family Support Network serves adopted children as they grow up.
- How does bipartisan-supported House Resolution 3690 serve women in unintended pregnancies, their children, adopting families, social service agencies, and healthcare professionals?
- The moment when Rebecca’s daughter shared the impact of parents’ infertility on an adoptee: Mom, sounds like you wanted a mansion but got an apartment.
- And how hearing that heart-squeezing statement turned out to be a good thing.
- Rebecca’s best piece of advice (asked of all guests).
Prefer to read? Here’s a transcript.
Show Notes from Rebecca Vahle’s Episode on How to Improve Adoption Now
- Website: FamilytoFamilySupport.org
- Email: [email protected]
- HR3690 info (including a link to a 1-page summary
- HR3690 video, courtesy Ashley Mitchell
- Template for 1-pg letter to rouse Congressional support, courtesy Stephanie Predmore
- Adoption Perspectives Radio Show
- Lori’s favorite Rebecca post #1: Transplanted Kidneys Get Standardized Care. Why Not Babies?
- Lori’s favorite Rebecca post #2: Until We Learn from the Legacy of Georgia Tann, We are Doomed to Repeat It
How to Tune In Regularly
You can find us on Adopting.com, and on these and other platforms.
- Apple Podcasts
- Amazon Podcasts
- Google Podcasts
- Search for “Adoption Long View” on your preferred podcast platform.
A new episode comes out the first Friday of the month. Thank you for sharing, subscribing, and rating this episode!
Lori Holden, mom of a young adult daughter and a young adult son, writes from Denver. She was honored as an Angel in Adoption® by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.
Her first book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole, makes a thoughtful anytime gift for the adoptive families in your life. Her second book, Standing Room Only: How to Be THAT Yoga Teacher is now available in paperback, and her third book, Adoption Unfiltered, will be published in late 2023.
Find Lori’s books on her Amazon Author page and catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.