Adopting Parent to Adoptive Parent: How To Successfully Make the Leap

If you haven’t adopted yet, it’s hard to know the benefits of open adoption and what it’s like to have this relationship with your child’s birth family. The value in that is just huge.

Tim Elder, Adoptive Dad of 3 and founder of —

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The journey of adopting a baby can be so uncertain and feel so all-consuming that at times you can’t even see past it. It’s hard to look to what comes next when you don’t even know that there will be a next.

Yet adopting parents must not be short-sighted.

In Episode 203 of Adoption: The Long View, I talk with Tim Elder, founder of the Infant Adoption Guide, about the convergence of the part of the journey he focuses on — adopting — and the part of the journey I focus on — adoptive parenting. What does it take to make a smooth transition from hoping to be a parent to actually being a parent?

Tim Elder on Surprises, Imbalances, Dishonesty, and More

Listen in as we talk about:

  • What surprised Tim about the “adoptive” part of adoptive parenting;
  • What to do when one child has more contact with their birth parents than another child does with theirs;
  • Dishonesty in the adoption process — scammers one one side, and bait-and-switchers on the other;
  • Tim’s best advice for adopting well and for adoptive-parenting well.

Even if you have grand ideas and you think you’re so open, it doesn’t mean you always are. You could get lost in the moment and figure out, “Oh, wait a minute. We haven’t heard from her in a while and maybe we should reach out.”

Tim Elder on adopting and adoptive parenting

Prefer to read? Here’s a transcript (but listening is so much better!).

Show Notes from Episode 203 with Tim Elder

Tim Elder is a Dad of 3 through infant adoption and founder of the blog and podcast where he shares his personal experience with adoption alongside the experience of other adoptive families, experts, authors, adoption agencies, attorneys and more. His mission is to bring people who want to adopt a baby into a community so they can support and learn from each other in being able to adopt well.

How to Tune In Regularly

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Lori Holden, mom of a teen son and a young adult daughter, writes from Denver. Her book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole, is available through your favorite online bookseller and makes a thoughtful anytime gift for the adoptive families in your life. Catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.

Lori was honored as an Angel in Adoption® in 2018 by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

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