Kid vs Adult
My tween and teen are eager to grow up. To them, like to teen me, being an adult means total freedom. No more parents telling you what to do at home! No more teachers telling you what to do at school! If I wanna eat Cap’n Crunch for breakfast, lunch, and dinner while watching R-rated movies round the clock, I will! I’ll talk on the phone to whomever and for however long I want! I’ll play video games until my eyeballs bleed! I can keep my room in whatever disarray I choose, and who cares if I never wash my undies and socks?
A life without limits is waiting for me just the other side of 18!
Those of us who have moved into adulthood know better. Limits don’t magically evaporate when we turn 18. The secret kids don’t always know is that being a grown up means we just get used to having limits — financial limits, physical limits, time limits, and boundaries held by those around us.
Instead of a parent demanding things of me now, I have children. Instead of a teacher holding expectations of me, I have a boss. I’m limited in what I can eat and drink by my body demanding that I make good choices — or else. The tyrants in my current life are ones I’ve invited in, and I cherish them.
I’ve been thinking back to when I was chomping at the bit to become an adult. I recall one of my Dad’s dad-isms, things he said over and over to my sisters and me while we naively sought a limitless life.
The other day I searched for the source of his quote on freedom, and I found obscure one by Robert Frost that was similar to my dad’s words. So to further immortalize my dad (and Robert Frost), here is what they have to say about freedom.
“Freedom is room to move in the harness.” — Fred Holden riffing on Robert Frost.
This perfectly summarizes adulthood to me.
What does freedom mean to you?
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This post is a part of #Microblog Mondays. What’s that? A post that is not too long. Head over to Stirrup Queens to join the fun.
16 Responses
Grey and I have been talking a lot about freedom (or lack there of). We remember there being this wave of excitement about being “free” in our 20s. Oddly enough, the less dependent we became on others and the more responsibilities we accrued, the less freedom there seemed to be.
Good luck with navigating this stage. I remember it being difficult and that was strictly from one point of view.
A perfect quote for adulthood. The free-est I’ve ever felt was the 5 years of marriage prior to trying to start a family. In my 20’s I had no confidence and struggled. In my early 30’s, I had a partner and no responsibilities other than all those bills. But we had the freedom to do whatever we wanted in the time outside of work. It was so fun.
Being an adult is highly overrated sometimes, isn’t it?? :p There have been times of my life that I’ve felt “free-er” than others, but each stage comes with its own limitations & burdens. My 20s were exhilarating, being at university, free to come & go as I pleased, etc…. but I knew I still had to answer to my parents for my performance at school and pay down those student loans someday. I was free to skip class and party hearty, but I knew I had to face the consequences later (in terms of marks and hangovers, lol).
I am probably feeling more free right now than I have since my 20s, without work to worry about & the grind of the daily commute. And yet there are still bills to be paid, housework to be done, aging parents to worry about…
here from Microblog Monday list. You (and your dad) describe the limits of adulthood perfectly; I can’t really think how I’d do it differently. I can think of limits and freedoms that I had throughout my life; they change with time. Technically I was very “free” in my 20s, in that I had few responsibilities to anyone, but honestly I didn’t always experience it as freedom because I felt this responsibility to figure out what to do with my life. I am the kind that feels I need to have a purpose. It’s hard for me even to appreciate luxuries and privileges if I don’t have that sense of purpose. In my late 20s and 30s I found sense of purpose and self so that was “freeing.” Perhaps Mr. Turtle and I were most free in the years before we started trying for kids because we had good jobs, lots of disposable income, but at the same time felt like we had found our direction in life. It’s also a privilege to be an adult with your parents alive and healthy because you get the best of both worlds: you are an adult but also somebody’s child. But we both knew that that part of life wasn’t going to last forever. We wanted more from life (e.g. children and grad school for Mr. Turtle) and that was going to change the status quo. Now that baby is here, we certainly have less freedoms and more responsibility, but again that rush of fulfillment and purpose that comes with reaching a life stage. So what is the point? All I can say is enjoy and appreciate each life stage as much as possible!
Love this:
“It’s also a privilege to be an adult with your parents alive and healthy because you get the best of both worlds: you are an adult but also somebody’s child.”
Well, as an adult who just ate her children’s cookies… Um… And will stay up late tonight…
I didn’t want to grow up. I remember when my parents dropped me off at college and then at grad school that I was so sad that I was away from home; being forced to age.
I like being able to eat cookies. But I don’t feel like I have a lot of room to move in the harness is a lot of facets of life.
I used to think adulthood was freedom from anxiety and stress, and meant confidence miraculously arrived. Ha! I love that though – freedom to move within the harness. Because whatever our situations, there are restrictions.
I remember thinking that I was more free in my late 20s than I was my whole life.
But at some point in my 30s, my yoga teacher said something that made a lot of sense to me, and sounds like the wisdom from your dad: that true freedom is not freedom *from*, but freedom *in*. It’s the ability to live where you are, and allow yourself not to be too attached to it. I like this perspective, too … freedom from (negative freedom) vs. freedom TO (positive freedom, the ability to make choices to determine our purpose): https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/liberty-positive-negative/
It’s a concept I still struggle with, though, so I can only imagine that teens/tweens would not be ready to embrace it!
I wanted to grow up so quickly (and did)… And now as an adult I feel fortunate to enjoy childhood with my little girl.
I loved my late 20s and early 30s. I liked being able to sleep in and go to bed late; eating chili and drinking beer and farting on my own couch. I worked as much as I needed to and ate with no consequences. I answered to no one but myself. What’s not to love about that?
For each teen who can’t wait for adulthood, there is a probably an adult out there who’d love to give it up and go back to high school!But freedom is relative…meaning, there is a never a time in your life where you are truly free of responsibility.
So interesting–I also think of it as having to be the one to place limits on myself, as a functioning adult. I definitely enjoyed my first toe-dips into adult freedom when I filled my cabinets with sugary cereals I couldn’t have growing up and could choose to mop the floors, or not. But now, I have the freedom to decide what kind of life I have to live, and to do that I need boundaries and schedules and balancing of responsibilities. I could drink a ton of wine whenever I wanted, but then I’d have a rough time in the mornings. I guess realizing the consequences and then having the power to choose selfishly and wildly when it’s needed is a benefit of being an adult! I remember having that fantasy of “One day I’ll be out of here and then I can do WHATEVER I WANT” as a teenager. Of course you can always do whatever you want, it just comes with repercussions! (Teenagers don’t want to hear that. I may not have parenting experience, but working with young teens all day long I see a lot of that!)
Good quote! Lots to think about and lots of great thoughts shared. I have experienced freedom in different ways at various times in my life. It seems freedom is about perspective and achieving the balance of acceptance of the limits or boundaries and appreciating the life you make within them. Somewhere in there lays the secrets of happiness.
I’m pretty free now – I more or less get to do what I want when I want to do it. But your dad’s quote seems perfectly accurate – I’m free within a certain framework. However, I think I’ve known the framework exists since my first year of college. A girl I knew (who is the restless sort) suggested we take off for South America on a whim. While I knew it was possible, I didn’t feel free to do so, because I had obligations to family and to school (and banks – let’s not forget those student loans!).
Well said. I have this conversation with my kids all the time. 🙂
I know that fully well with a 21yr old son , who exhausted his financial limits and came to us for the rescue.
The youngest twins 8 – keep saying that when I’m an adult …
Your limits resonate with me too – especially in what I can eat and drink by my body demanding that I make good choices — or else. There won’t be much room in that harness or my jeans to move.