Need help figuring out adoption relationships? Schedule a complimentary consultation with Lori Holden, M.A.


Advice is like snow – the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind.Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.Marcus Tullius Cicero

I have been known to give advice. But having been raised by an advice-generous father (which ultimately turned out to be a good thing, maybe even the reason I’m in a position to give advice) I have tried not to offer unsolicited assvice. Those who live with me would surely say I’ve failed.

For this month’s Time Warp Tuesday we’re revisiting posts about advice. Kathy at Bereaved and Blessed invites us to:

Choose a post from your archives in which you wrote about advice. The blog entry could about helpful or not so helpful advice you gave or received. Then write a new post about why you chose that post and what has happened since it was written.

Last winter I was asked by Pampers and BlogHer to answer some of the common questions that newly adoptive parents have, as part of their joint Absolute Beginner series. The Crib Sheet pdf is available to read and download. But if you want to leave a comment regarding all that advice, you’ll need to do so here. You can even leave your own advice if you’d like: What do you wish you’d known in the early days of your adoption? What advice would you give to someone just starting out on the adoption road?

What has happened to me since then? A few biggies:

I’ll close with this little gem (meta-advice!) from an American president.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.Harry S. Truman

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go tell my children to watch cartoons until their brains rot.


See Time Warp Tuesday to read more posts about advice, and maybe even add your own (even if it’s no longer Tuesday).

Lori Holden, mom of a young adult daughter and a young adult son, writes from Denver. She was honored as an Angel in Adoption® by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.

Find Lori’s books on her Amazon Author page, and catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.

New Posts Delivered to You

9 Responses

  1. I think that one can offer advice graciously … in the form of support rather than “you should” … and in the form of an open and generous ear. Both of which you do. 🙂

    And people who buy/read your book are LOOKING for advice. I think that’s different than offering unsolicited advice. I think the same applies for blogging. We offer advice on our blogs, which people don’t have to read unless they want to. And sometimes we offer advice in comments. But don’t people ASK for that advice, generally speaking?

  2. Thank you for doing the Time Warp again this month and for helping to inspire this topic! I had the post I chose to reflect on this month (from your blog, featuring your father’s wise advice) in mind when I selected “Advice” as the theme.

    So exciting to reflect with you on the big things that have happened in your life since you wrote that crib sheet! As you know, I really enjoyed your book and look forward to seeing your LTYM performance when the You Tube videos are released this summer. 🙂

    I love the quotes that you share here, especially the first one. My husband and mother will attest to how sometime when they give me advice (whether or not I asked for it), I have a tendency to get defensive. But then after I sleep on it, I usually come around and end up thanking them for their wisdom and input. 🙂

    Finally, I really like what Justine wrote here, I appreciate how she suggests that we can offer gracious advice and agree that you do that well, as does she. I also see what Justine means about how advice relates to blogging and commenting. Lots of food for thought… Thanks again for warping with me! 🙂

  3. Hm. Advice certainly comes in many flavors, doesn’t it? There’s the type that is so easily dismissed: that from my MIL who asked whether I’ve tried “switching the backs of my son’s legs” to address my fear of him trying to run off in parking lots to which I replied honestly “well no…no, I haven’t tried that.” I left out the “you freak” at the end.
    There’s he type that is sought out “OMG what should I do? He hasn’t eaten anything all day!”
    The type that is given kindly: “Well obviously, everybody’s different but one thing that worked for me was to _____.”
    And the total nut-job advice that we all have heard.
    Glad your book is doing so well, Lori. You deserve it!

  4. Lavender Luz — You have been a great receiver of advice and a great giver of advice. Through your writing (your blog, your book, even your being), you are able to reach out people, meet them right where they are and be with them. Even before any advice comes out of your mouth, you have already given them a precious gift. The words, then, are just “frosting on the cake,” — the “cake” of understanding, love and support.

  5. Hmmm, why am I about to say what I’m about to say? That is the question I always {try to remember to} ask myself before allowing advice to come out of my mouth.

    I figure that we each go for advice to the person that will tell us what we want to hear. Are you really going to ask your brother for advice about eye-liner OR or ask your prissy sister how to change the brake pads on your car? Probably not. If someone asks you for advice, think first…and then give it your best shot.

    The real quandary is UNsolicited advice. And that is where the question about motivation for giving the advice becomes very important. Are you giving the advice to honestly help? Or are you giving the advice to…uuuuh…for some other reason?

  6. Loved your father’s advice contained in Kathy’s post., and your wisdom has helped immensely through the years. As for Harry Truman’s advice, I think it applies more broadly — there I just used my purple crayon to draw a wider circle…

  7. I sooooo wish I had that Crib Sheet (and your book for that matter) when our son was little! It has some great advice on it. 😀 Your “advice” has got to be so very helpful to those of us who feel they are navigating through these waters alone.

    And, to add, I am finding that Truman quote to be true. I’m sure it will be even more true when we reach the teenage years! Lol!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

New Posts Delivered to You

Be the first to know about each new post. 

(Just a few each month.)