Below is an excerpt from the Summer/Fall 2015 issue of Pathway 2 Family. My article is the cover story. It aims to apply what we now know about infant adoption to the realm of embryo adoption.
Why Not Just Stick with Secrecy?
We are leaving behind the way we practiced adoption in shame and secrecy. Turns out such practices didn’t always work out so well for anyone involved, especially the child at the center. We must learn from that in embryo adoption/donation.
- With secrecy we acted as though nothing remarkable had happened in the building of our family. But it had.
- With secrecy, we assumed the baby would be a blank slate on which we could write our own story. But she wasn’t.
- With secrecy, parents may not have fully grieved their own losses, been comfortable with difficult emotions that stem from those losses, nor have been open to answering questions the child may have asked of her beginnings. If we ignored those icky feelings and pushed away those hard conversations, we once thought, they’d just go away. But they didn’t.
People used to choose secrecy out of fear. But we no longer need to.
Openness is the antidote to both secrecy and fear.
The article is part of an educational focus of Nightlight Christian Adoptions and the Embryo Adoption Awareness Center to make reproductive endocrinologists and others at their medical clinics aware of the benefits of openness between embryo donors and recipients — and more importantly why it matters for the resulting baby/child/teen/adult.
To read the full article FREE from your favorite mobile device or computer, visit Pathway2Family.org.
(I am aware that some prefer the term embryo donation.)
Lori Holden, mom of a teen son and a young adult daughter, writes from Denver. Her book, The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption: Helping Your Child Grow Up Whole, is available through your favorite online bookseller and makes a thoughtful anytime gift for the adoptive families in your life. Catch episodes of Adoption: The Long View wherever you get your podcasts.
Lori was honored as an Angel in Adoption® in 2018 by the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute.